


She's My Sugar High

by homosociallyyours



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, American AU, Baking, Butch/Femme, Dildos, F/F, Fat Characters, Genderswap, Girl Direction, Graduate School, Miscommunication, Not of main characters, OT4 Friendship, Secret Relationship, Size Kink, Strap-Ons, Texas AU, Vaginal Fisting, double fisting, implied attempted rape mention, more info in author's note, narry friendship, very much a blink and miss it but i wanna be thorough!, zouis friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:34:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28481718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/homosociallyyours/pseuds/homosociallyyours
Summary: When Louis meets Harry she's instantly attracted, but a misunderstanding leaves her thinking Harry's unavailable. Finding out that Harry's single leads to an arrangement that's based on their mutual size kink and attraction to one another, but will it be enough for Louis?As their relationship develops in the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas, there's lots of baking, a bit of banter, and some incredible sex, all leading up to a Christmas sleepover with a happy ending.Or: A fat, butch/femme girl direction fic where size matters in the best ways and Harry makes a lot of really yummy sounding baked goods.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan & Harry Styles, Zayn Malik & Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 11
Kudos: 83
Collections: Girl Direction Winter Fic Fest





	She's My Sugar High

**Author's Note:**

> Some very important things I want to highlight since there are a lot of tags for this fic! First off, this fic is set in Texas (Austin) with Harry, Niall, and Liam all hailing from Texas. Louis is still British as is Zayn, who makes a brief appearance via phone call. Because the fic is set in the states, expect Americanisms at times! 
> 
> Second and possibly most important: Harry and Louis are both fat in this fic. I did this because it's rare to see AUs with fat characters, and it's something I want to read. Both of them are comfortable with their bodies, and their size isn't the focus of the fic, just one aspect of who they are that sometimes affects them and sometimes doesn't. 
> 
> Finally, I've tagged an attempted rape mention and want to clarify/warn for where it is. No main (or even minor named) characters are raped. Niall sees someone slip something in a person's drink and takes immediate action to get him removed. This happens outside of the main story so we don't actually see any of it, and the moment before Niall reveals what happens is very obvious.

Grad students, American AU, fat HL AU, 

It was Louis’ first night out in Texas, and she hadn’t gotten used to the way the heat stuck around even as the sun went down. At least that’s what she told herself as sweat rolled down her chest to collect in the sports bra she was wearing underneath her Doncaster Rovers t-shirt. It didn’t have anything to do with a girl she was watching whose name she didn’t even know. Definitely not. 

The girl wore a tank dress that clung to her tummy and showed off her ample curves, cheeks and lips pink as sin as she sipped a drink overloaded with maraschino cherries. Even from a slight distance her green eyes flashed as she beat anyone who dared to challenge her at ping pong. Louis could probably ask Liam for the girl’s name-- it seemed that she really did know almost everyone in Austin --but she hadn’t found a way to do it without seeming creepy. 

The girl smacked a paddle against her palm, laughing maniacally when her latest competitor missed the ball by a mile and went scrambling to chase after it. She ran a hand over the back of her neck, the loose hairs from her messy bun curling softly in the wake of her touch as Louis looked on, awestruck. As the girl took a sip of her drink, she happened to turn her head and lock eyes with Louis. A smile bloomed on her face-- even hidden by her glass it was obvious --and Louis felt her own cheeks color in response. 

Deciding she needed to splash some cool water on her face, Louis wandered off to find the toilets, ending up in line behind a girl in ratty denim cutoffs whose short, pigtailed hair was tucked into a cycling cap. She thought about introducing herself, but before she could say anything the girl waved over one of the barbacks to ask him to bring her a beer. 

“C’mon Niall, I know you made Harry hold your wallet so you wouldn’t have too many. How do you expect to pay?” 

Louis looked on quietly as Niall put both arms around the guy’s neck, pulling him toward her so she could whisper something in his ear. His answering grin made Louis blush, and when she looked back it was to see Niall biting the guy’s neck affectionately. 

“I gotta piss, just give the beer to this one if I’m in there,” Niall gestured toward Louis. The guy nodded, heading back to the bar, and Niall turned to Louis, introducing herself. “Hope you don’t mind holding my beer-- you just look gay, and I always trust gay girls, you know?” 

“Um, thanks?” 

“Ohh shit, are you British too? How much pussy you gettin’ out here, girl?” Niall’s Texas accent apparently came out thicker the more excited she was. Louis had to hold back her laugh. 

“None yet. Just started at UT, I’m here with my friend Liam. We’re in the same program.” The toilet was finally freed up, and Niall held the door open before going in. 

“Well Liam’s friends are my friends too, I’ve known her since I moved here! So you and I are gonna be more than just bathroom buddies, umm--” 

“Louis.” 

“Lou-eh,” Niall said in her best attempt at a British accent. “Cute name for a cute girl, huh?” She closed the door to the bathroom then, leaving Louis standing alone in the hallway until the barback arrived with the bottle of Lonestar. Louis handed off the bottle not expecting Niall to be around when she finished using the toilet, but was surprised to find her still standing there, tipping the bottle back to empty it. 

“Waited for you, figured I’d make sure you’ve met everyone. Liam forgets introductions sometimes since she’s lived here forever.” Niall nodded toward the outdoor patio where everyone was gathered. “C’mon.” 

Niall didn’t exaggerate about introducing her to everyone. By the time they’d gotten back to Liam’s table, Louis was more than ready for a drink and a chance to catch her breath. She didn’t have much of a chance when she saw the ping pong girl sitting there, picking cherries out of her otherwise empty glass. 

“Sexy girrrrlfriend, may I please have my wallet so I can buy our new friend a drink? Promise I’ll only get myself one more beer to go with it.” Niall draped herself over Harry’s back, giving her a wet kiss on the cheek. Louis swallowed back her disappointment.

“I haven’t formally met our new friend yet, have I? Do you really deserve a drink when you won’t even introduce me?”

“Shit! Harry, this is Louis. And Louis, this is my girl Harry.” 

“Ping pong champion,” Louis said, nodding toward the tables. “Couldn’t help but notice you kicking arse earlier.” 

“She’s _British,_ babe.” Niall’s eyes twinkled as she rested her head on Harry’s shoulder. 

“Yes Niall thank you, I do have ears.” She reached into her cleavage and pulled out a small leather wallet that she held out for Niall to grab with her teeth. “You can get one more round but that’s it; I don’t have it in me to carry your ass up the stairs tonight. And I get another Shirley Temple since I’m driving us home later.” 

“Yes ma’am!” Niall saluted, wallet in her hand, and galloped off to the bar. 

They ended up hanging out for a while that night, and Louis’ crush only got stronger by the minute. As weeks passed, Louis kept waiting for it to fade, but each time she saw Harry she liked her more. It finally came to a bit of a head just a few months later when Harry and Niall hosted a Halloween party at their apartment. 

Louis was dressed as a Scrabble tile-- the Q, to be precise --with her own comfortable clothes sandwiched between two pieces of cardboard. It was the most interesting costume she could come up with sort of last minute, not wanting to show up as a ghost or vampire or a footie star, which were the other ideas that had sprung to her mind as doable costumes for a grad student with very little extra time on her hands. 

She hadn’t been to Niall and Harry’s apartment yet, and part of her had wanted to skip the party to avoid watching them together. They were already pretty affectionate in public, which Louis quietly hated; a Halloween party at their own place might end in actual humping right in the middle of everything. Still, when Liam texted offering her a ride she let herself say yes. 

The evening wasn’t as bad as she’d worried it might be. Though there was plenty of alcohol and music and noise, the crowd was Louis’ age and older, most of them less interested in getting blackout drunk and more aiming for a pleasant buzz and a bit of release from the pressures of their grad programs or jobs. She knew quite a few people there, and between doing a couple of shots and dancing to some songs, she fell into one or two nice conversations that made her happy she’d made an appearance. 

The only thing that bothered her was the couple’s costume Harry and Niall wore: they were dressed as Coach and Tami Taylor from a show they-- and all the locals --loved, and every time someone new came in they posed together, Harry shaking out her long hair and putting on sunglasses while Niall tugged a blue cap onto her head and zipped up a matching jacket emblazoned with a team name. The moment people knew who they were, Harry and Niall would high five or shout out something like 'full cups can't lose' before throwing back a shot and Louis would look down at her letter and Q-uestion why she’d come at all.

In spite of that, she was still pretty happy when she found herself outside with Harry, sharing a drunken cigarette and talking about their favorite board games. Harry claimed to be “obsessed” with Scrabble, even threatening to pull out her board and force Louis to play against her. 

“You don’t understand, Lou.” Harry leaned forward, splaying her hand over Louis’ thigh. Her cheeks were flushed and the smell of her whiskey and ginger cocktail made Louis want to inch a little closer. “I watched _documentaries_ about it. I thought about _competing._ Like, _competitively.”_ She giggled and bit her lip, then shook her head softly. “But people train for it so hard, and I didn’t think I could be the best.” 

“What about me?" Louis asked, biting back a laugh at the terrible joke that had just come to mind. "It’s been impossible for me to play Scrabble all these years." Harry looked back at her, brow wrinkled in confusion. “I can hardly spell anything without you.” 

It only took a moment for Harry to get the joke, a honking laugh bursting out of her as she doubled over and then leaned far back in her chair. “Because you’re-- you’re the Q!” She shook with more laughter than Louis had thought she might, tears in her eyes as Louis took her drink from her hand so she could dab them away. “Oh Louis. Can I keep you? Haven’t laughed like that in ages.” 

Louis shrugged, soft at the idea of Harry wanting to _keep her._ If only she meant it the way Louis wanted her to. “What would you keep me for? Just a laugh?” 

“Mmm, no. I think for all the words we could spell together. Queer. Query. Quell. Quartet. _Quixotic.”_

“Quiet queen,” Louis said, resting her finger on the tip of Harry’s nose. Harry grinned at her, tipping her head back until Louis’ finger fell softly onto her parted lips. She closed them, kissing Louis’ fingertip with a smile still tugging at the corners of her mouth, and Louis’ breath caught in her throat. More than anything she wanted to move into Harry’s space. To replace her finger with her lips. 

Niall interrupted them, shouting for Harry to come join her team for beer pong, and Louis drew her finger away quickly, annoyed with herself for forgetting Niall so easily. Harry huffed. “Duty calls,” she said with a pout, standing up and offering a hand to Louis. “Come with?” How could Louis say no? 

As the night went on, Harry kept right on flirting with her. Louis kept trying to resist it, but her crush on Harry made her weak. It didn’t help that Niall appeared to have invited a date to the party-- a lanky guy in a skeleton t-shirt who kept putting his hands in Niall's back pockets and squeezing her bum. Harry was oblivious to it, her eyes on Louis, and Niall vacillated between laughing about it and slapping the guy's hands so Louis couldn't tell how she properly felt.

To top it off, Liam, in spite of staying sober, seemed to be planning to be the last to leave the party. It made Louis consider finding a way to stay the night. Even with two bedrooms in the apartment, she still pictured herself lying in a bed with Harry on one side and Niall on the other, skeleton guy keeping himself on the bed with a tenuous grip on Niall's bum cheeks. That thought made her shudder.

And of course when she let herself think of it she kept coming right back to how badly her past forays into polyamory had gone. If remembering the long fights that ended with awkward silences wasn’t enough, she could also think about all the work she’d done trying to get over her jealousy before her therapist had finally helped her admit that maybe she was just monogamous. 

Still, Harry managed to test her one last time. The party had cleared out almost entirely and skeleton guy put on a Hozier-heavy playlist that made Louis want to lie on her back and stare at the stars that glowed on the ceiling. Harry had said something about a costume change and disappeared into what Louis suspected was her room as Niall and Liam started gathering empty solo cups into trash bags.

“Where’d Harry go, anyway?” Niall set down her trash bag and unleashed the full power of her Texas accent to yell, “where’s my wife? Tami!!” 

“Tami’s gone,” Harry called back from her room. She opened the door, stomping down the hallway back into the living room. “She-Hulk is here now!” 

Louis bolted upright the moment Harry appeared, floored by Harry’s new costume. It wasn’t much in a lot of ways-- she hadn’t gone and painted herself green or put on a suit. Instead she wore a neon green mesh shirt over an emerald bra and a pair of coordinating underwear. That wasn’t the shocking part of her costume, though. What took Louis’ breath away was the harness she wore and the massive green dildo that she had strapped on. Harry held the heft of it in her left hand and flexed her right arm, throwing her head back in a laugh. 

“Oh Christ, she’s She-Hulk drunk, Liam.” 

“Are you afraid of the She-Hulk?” she walked toward Niall, dick bobbing with every step. When she got close enough she slapped it against Niall’s leg. 

“I’ll tell you a secret,” Niall said, pushing Harry away and turning to Louis. “She’s always horny.” 

“Fuck off, ‘m not! But you know I love this big green monster.” Harry waggled her eyebrows and turned her attention toward Louis, who was only just barely holding herself together. 

“How do you feel about it?” She sat down next to Louis and slapped the dick hard so that it wobbled in front of her. “I think it’s _quite quaint._ Wouldn’t you say, Louis?” 

Louis tried in vain to find something safe to focus on, but as long as she was looking in Harry’s direction there was nothing of the sort. Every curve and roll of her body was right there, and for Louis who, as all her exes would attest, was a size queen the hulking dildo looked an absolute treat as well. 

“It’s, um. A lot.” 

Harry flopped back into the couch with a sigh. “Nobody ever truly appreciates the glory of the She-Hulk.” 

Before Louis had to respond, Liam was telling her it was time to go and the two of them were saying goodbye and dashing out the door. “Sorry, meant to leave before Harry got there, but I kind of thought it might not happen tonight.” 

“She does that a lot?” 

“Only when she’s really drunk. It’s just one of her quirks, y’know? Niall kind of loves her even more for it, I think.” 

“They’re a good pair, huh?” 

“Oh, yeah. I can’t imagine them ever not being exactly like they are now. Two funny little peas in a pod.” Liam chuckled to herself. “Hey, want me to stop at Whataburger? Could really go for some fries right now.” 

“Yeah,” Louis said, too lost in her head to think about whether or not she was hungry. There had to be a way to move on from her crush on Harry. 

She kept trying, anyway. When Harry showed up places, Louis would try to force herself to leave soon after or keep herself engaged in conversation with other people she knew. It didn’t usually work, though. Harry was unavoidable and practically magnetic; even when Louis tried to stay away she found herself watching Harry from afar and inching closer until they eventually started talking. 

Everything took a turn at Thanksgiving. 

Louis knocked on the door to Liam’s house at 3 o’clock, only to find it already partially open. She rolled her eyes, shutting it behind her, and followed the sound of shouting toward the den where a motley collection of grad students and Liam’s townie friends were gathered around the television yelling about a touchdown or some other American football thing that Louis refused to learn about. She spotted Liam lingering at the other end of the den, one foot in the room and the other edging toward the kitchen, probably trying to watch over the food without missing the game. 

She took the long way around to reach her friend, giving Liam’s foot a nudge when she wasn’t noticed right away. Liam startled, a wooden spoon clattering to the floor as her head whipped from the game to Louis and then back again. 

“Hi Lou, wasn’t sure you were gonna make it-- game’s almost over, y’know.” A commercial came on and Liam directed her attention back to Louis. “Oh good, you brought more ice! And pie, perfect.” 

“It was by design, you know. Missing most of the game.” 

“Ohh that’s right!” Liam laughed softly to herself. “Forgot you have a personal vendetta against football.” 

_“American_ football, Li. Real football is a far better sport.” Liam looked ready to launch into one of her ‘why did you come to grad school in Texas if you hate football’ speeches, so Louis abruptly cut her off. “Anyway, it’s a good thing I came when I did because your door was wide open-- anyone could’ve wandered in here.” 

“Niall went on a beer run, she probably forgot to close it when she came back in. It was only twenty minutes ago.” 

Louis looked at the clock on the microwave. “Wasn’t dinner supposed to start soon?” 

“We have to wait for the game!” A commercial ended as Liam spoke, the game coming back on with commentary on the play that had gotten people so excited as Louis was arriving. Liam was immediately distracted. 

“Is there anything for people who don’t want to watch the game?” 

“Oh yeah, a couple of people are on the back porch having drinks. I’m sure you’ll know someone. It’s just, uh--” 

“Yeah, yeah. Go back to your game. Ice goes in the freezer?” 

“Nah, the chest outside.” Liam waved her hand vaguely in the direction of the porch, already focused completely on the game. Louis rolled her eyes and headed toward the back of the house. 

Tapping at the glass by Harry’s shoulder, Louis watched and waited as Harry stumbled forward a little and whipped her head around to see who was knocking. When she saw Louis, she grinned, wide and friendly, and reached out to open the door. 

“Didn’t mean to startle you, H. Just trying to escape that awful game. Liam said this was the place to go.” 

“It is. Though I wouldn’t say we all hate football as much as you do.” Harry twisted a lock of hair around her finger and glanced around the porch. “I think you know everyone out here, right?” 

Louis nodded, looking around and seeing familiar faces from her program and the grad student LGBTQ group. Harry was the only one she actually knew more than casually, but that didn’t really matter. The conversation picked back up around her as she threw her bag of ice into the cooler and then sat down on top of it to join the group. 

They were discussing something music related, which made sense as Harry and a couple of other people were in the musicology department. Louis feigned interest and took the opportunity to look at Harry unnoticed. She always looked pretty, but tonight she was dressed in an oversized orange cardigan that looked soft and nubbly and her long curls were loose, falling around her full cheeks. The dress she wore underneath skimmed the curve of her hips and belly as she leaned back against the door again, listening intently to what someone else was saying. 

Swallowing hard, Louis rocked back and looked around for a cup so she could get herself a drink, needing something to do that wasn’t staring at Harry. She was fairly certain nobody had noticed, but that mattered less than the fact that Louis was trying very hard to not want Harry as much as she did. 

“What about you, Lou?” Harry’s voice broke through Louis’ thoughts, and she blinked a few times, trying to recover any piece of the conversation she might’ve heard while her mind was elsewhere. Harry giggled, smiling wide. “No thoughts on that latest issue of Perspectives of New Music? Just didn’t grab you?” 

Louis shook her head. “Yeah, sorry-- I only read the classics, you know. Old Music Weekly, Stodgy Composer’s Journal, that sort.” She was rewarded with a big laugh from Harry, which was always a win. 

“Thought we might’ve been boring you a bit.” Harry shrugged. “You can try to talk to us about Shakespeare, I guess, but it might not be the same if you’re monologuing.” 

“No, no. Wouldn’t do that to you.” Louis sipped her drink to give a slight pause for effect. “Today I’ll be speaking to you about obscure lesbian poets of the late 80s sex wars--” 

Harry clapped a hand over her mouth, eyes alight with mirth. “Go on,” she said, parting her fingers just a little but still keeping her hand over her mouth as if to silence herself. “I really want to hear about them.” 

It was Louis’ turn to giggle. “You’ll have to wait a bit longer for the fully fleshed out arguments and analyses, I’m afraid. That’s my diss topic.” 

“Sorry, what are the, uh, sex wars? Was that really a thing?” One of the students from Harry’s program asked, leaning forward to rest her chin in her hand. Next to her, a man whose name Louis couldn’t recall raised his eyebrows, a nervous smile on his lips. 

Nothing made Louis want to talk about queer history more than uncomfortable cis men, so she nodded her head before launching into a brief history of the sex wars and why they were so important. She didn’t clock herself, but only the man still looked a little uncomfortable when she was done. Everyone else was into it, even if she had rambled a little. 

“I knew about some of that, but now I’m absolutely dying to know about the poets, Lou!” Harry had moved to sit on the step out to the patio as Louis talked, and she reached out her long leg to nudge at Louis’ foot with her own. “You’ll have to come over some time and give me a real lesson.” Her grin was flirtatious and a little wicked, cheeks dimpling as she tucked a curl behind her ear. 

Louis felt herself blushing and coughed to clear her throat. “Might do.” 

The door sliding open saved her from any further awkwardness, Liam announcing that the game was over-- their team had won --and dinner was ready to be served. It was a rowdy affair, more people than should’ve been comfortable crammed together at the table with elbows touching and dishes being passed in both directions at once. The food wasn’t amazing but the company made it taste better and any difference was made up by freely flowing wine and lively conversation. By the end of the meal, Louis was resting a hand on her belly and thinking about how glad she was she hadn’t worn anything too constricting. 

She could feel herself getting tired, and the only way that she could think to combat it, not wanting to give in to the lure of a nap, was to get up and offer to take a few dishes into the kitchen for washing. It was probably the least she could do considering the amount of food that Liam had clearly made herself, not to mention how much work she’d put into hosting the whole affair. Once she got to the kitchen, however, she found she’d been beat to the punch. 

Harry stood at the sink, humming softly to herself as she picked a jar up out of the soapy water and pushed her hand into it, making soap bubbles poof out of the opening. She moved her hand in and out of the jar, slowly at first and then a little faster until the water inside made an obscene squishing sound that was all too familiar to Louis. 

“Sounds like someone is having a good time in here,” she said as she passed behind Harry to set the dirty dishes among the others. “Didn’t think Liam was into that sort of party.” 

“As if you’ve never fisted a glass while doing dishes!” Harry grinned, giving Louis just a quick glance before looking back down. “It’s absolutely necessary.” 

“Didn’t say it wasn’t, did I?” Louis bumped her hip against Harry’s. “Think there’s room in there for me to jump in and give it a go?” 

“Hmm, nope. You’ll have to dry til I’m ready to tap out.” 

Louis sighed, pretending to be put upon, and grabbed the dish towel Harry had slung over her shoulder. “Some of us are very single, you know. Simulating fisting is more action than I’ve seen since moving here.” Harry scoffed. 

“You think I’m better off? It’s been way too long since I’ve really gotten my hands on someone-- or, _in_ someone, I guess --like that.” Harry held up her hand, wiggling her fingers. “Nobody really likes them big. They only say they do.” 

“Lies! I’d kill to have a hand like that fucking me.” Louis only realized what she’d said after the words had left her mouth, and she wished that there was a way to reel them back in. 

“Tell me more.” Harry’s smile was hungry and a little bit wicked, and it made Louis feel like she’d lost her breath. 

“I’m a bit of a size queen, I guess.” Louis shrugged and went back to drying dishes, hoping she sounded nonchalant and not like someone with a massive crush that they were trying in vain to tamp down. “For girth more than length, but I like both when I can get it.” 

“Not everyone understands the difference,” Harry said, going back to washing though working slower now. “But I know what you mean.” 

“I saw the She-Hulk, Hazza. I know you know what I mean.” Louis nudged Harry with her elbow as Harry honked out a ridiculous laugh. 

“Still can’t believe I did that in front of you of all people.” 

_“I_ still can’t believe Niall didn’t have a fit over it. I know you two are, uh, open or whatever, but it does have the potential to be awkward. I mean--” 

“Wait. What?” 

“What what?” 

“What about me and Niall?” Harry turned to look at Louis, brow furrowed and a soapy hand on her hip. Louis’ stomach dropped. 

“Oh fuck. I just-- I thought you two must be open, because she-- I thought she brought dates in front of you? I’m so sorry you had to find out that she’s cheating on you like this.” 

Harry pressed her lips together, and Louis wondered for a moment if she was going to burst into tears, but instead she started laughing. She was doubled over and gasping for air, trying to speak and failing as Louis looked on growing more confused by the moment. When she’d finally collected herself, Harry reached out and touched Louis’ arm. 

“Lou, have you thought Niall and I were together this whole time?” 

“You’re not together?” Harry shook her head. “But she called you her girlfriend, and you live together, and you--” 

“The girlfriend thing is this stupid old joke with us. We met at a frat party as freshmen-- we had to kiss each other in spin the bottle --and then there was this guy later on who was being really creepy, so I went up and kissed her and basically rescued her by pretending to be her girlfriend. It turned into like, a thing? We’ve been doing it for so long and everyone just knows about it, I guess.” 

“That's such a relief, honestly.” 

"Is it?" Harry quirked an eyebrow, a pleased smile on her face. "Why's that?"

Louis took a breath, exhaling slowly. "Isn't it obvious?"

"I don't know, I thought _I_ was obvious until you just told me you thought I was in love with Niall. I've been flirting with you so hard since the first day we met."

"And I've been trying _not_ to flirt with you since then! You've made it pretty difficult at times." Louis shook her head. "You don't know how often I've had to talk myself out of just seeing if you wanted to hook up for a single night. I've been ridiculous about it."

“Just one night? We’ll need more than that, Lou, god.” 

Louis’ heartbeat quickened at the thought, and she had to pause to stop from sounding overeager. “Right, of course we will. A lot more.” 

Liam popped her head into the kitchen then to tell them to step away from the dishes to come play Balderdash, and Louis followed her out with Harry behind her. They didn’t have a moment alone to talk about things any further, so it wasn’t until later that night when Louis was already in bed that they could finish their conversation. 

Louis: You up? 

Harry: 🍆🍆🍆 😘😘

Louis chuckled to herself, shaking her head as she typed out a response. 

Louis: Not yet, you menace! Wondering if I could call you

Her phone started ringing a moment after her message was delivered, and she answered without a second thought. “That was quick.” 

“Wouldn’t want you to think I was neglecting you for Niall or anything.” 

“Oh, ha ha. You’ll never let me live that one down, will you?” Louis bit back a smile as she heard Harry giggle. 

“Welllll I haven’t told Niall yet, so you can consider yourself lucky. But no, I definitely won’t let you live it down.” She sighed, the swish of fabric telling Louis she’d moved the phone closer. “Actually the more I thought about it the more I realized it probably looks like Niall and I are together to a lot of people who didn’t already know us. Might explain my lack of dating prospects ever since we finished undergrad.” 

“See! Not just me. Niall has been quietly cockblocking you all this time. Might really be in love with you, y’know? You’re sure she’s not?” 

Harry laughed outright. “Oh no, definitely not. She’s bi, but like, 90/10 for guys and I’m so not her type. And besides, she’s _so_ not mine.” 

“That so? Who is, then?” 

“I’m talking to her,” Harry said matter-of-factly. Louis blushed in spite of herself. 

“That’s quite the line, Styles. But you should know it’s working.” 

“Good.” Louis could hear Harry’s grin through the phone and it made her do the same as she shut her eyes tight and tried to think of something clever to say in return. When nothing came to her after a long moment of silence, she decided to simply barrel ahead, coolness be damned. 

“So-- how should we do this?” 

“Hmm. Which _this?”_ Harry’s voice, teasing and clearly amused with herself, made Louis wish they were face to face for this chat and not on the phone. It would be so much easier to lean in and kiss a smug smirk off her face than it was to try to have a mature conversation. 

“The us this.” 

“The coming together of the size queens, then?” 

“Was that filthy pun intentional, or did you just land on it by accident?” 

Harry giggled. “Intentional. They usually are. Just thought it was appropriate since that’s what we’ll be doing.” 

“Right. Just sex, then.” Louis tried to mask her disappointment. She’d been picturing more than just sex with Harry, but she didn’t want Harry to feel obligated to provide it if that wasn’t what she was looking for. Neither of them had time for a full blown relationship anyway with all the pressures grad school brought with it. 

“Oh. Sure, yeah. Should we tell people then? Or is it like, some sort of secret?” The teasing edge was gone from Harry’s voice, replaced with an almost business-like seriousness. 

“Could do either.” Louis pondered a few possible scenarios before speaking again. “Though it might be weird for people if it doesn’t last that long. And hard for us if our friends think it’s more than it is and start asking us a bunch of awkward questions.” 

“So a secret then.” Harry sighed. “If we can make our schedules work it shouldn’t be that hard, I guess. We’re friends enough that it’s not weird to say we had dinner or coffee, and if one of us stayed overnight it’s not that weird, right?” 

“I don’t think so.” 

The two of them fell silent, their shared breath the only sound for a few seconds. There was a tension in the air that Louis couldn’t decipher; whether it was discomfort or desire, she couldn’t quite tell. All she knew is that she wanted to break it somehow. 

“So...She-Hulk smash,” she said, putting on a silly voice at the end. A smile broke out over her face at Harry’s answering laugh. “When?” 

They compared calendars and set a date for Saturday night when Niall would be visiting her parents in Dallas and Harry would have the apartment to herself. By the time they got off the phone, they’d fallen into a groove again, laughing and flirting with one another. Harry’s voice clung to Louis’ mind like dark honey, sweet and heavy and rich, as she fell asleep. Knowing she couldn’t call Harry hers was hard, but she pushed that aside and let herself be comforted by imagining all the things they would have together. It wasn’t nothing. 

-

Louis knocked at the door to Harry’s apartment that Saturday night unsure of what to expect when Harry opened the door. It certainly wasn’t the scene that greeted her, though. Harry wore an apron over a tank top and soft looking pajama bottoms, her hair in a bun and a smudge of flour on her neck. 

“Hiii, c’mon in.” The house smelled amazing, warm and homey, reminding Louis that it really was late fall even if she hadn’t yet needed to wear anything but a hoodie to keep the chill away in the evenings. “I felt like making cranberry pumpkin swirl cake and didn’t think you’d mind, especially if I offered you some.” 

“I have never said no to cake in my life,” Louis said, patting her belly. There was a time when she might’ve hesitated to make light of her weight, but at nearly twenty-eight she’d made peace with her looks and size; she was butch and she was fat, and there was no beauty standard she had to fit in with in order to thrive. Harry rubbed her own round tummy, arching her back to make it stick out a bit more. 

“Nor have I.” She giggled as she said it, nodding toward the kitchen. “I’ve gotta make the glaze. Come sit?” Everything about her was confident and at ease, and if Louis was allowed she thought she might be willing to follow Harry anywhere-- from room to room or down a rabbit hole --no questions asked. 

“You like to bake?” Louis leaned against the counter, watching Harry juice an orange into a liquid measuring cup.

“Love to. My grandparents owned a bakery and when I was younger I thought I’d take it over. They ended up selling it, though.” 

“Crushed your childhood dreams? That’s pretty rude!” 

“I would’ve hated having to stay there. ‘S too small.” Harry bent down to check how much juice she’d squeezed, teeth poking out to bite her lower lip as she studied the line. “What about you?” 

“I thought I’d be the female Beckham for far too many years.” 

Harry laughed. “I meant where you’re from, but that’s really cute. Did everyone think you had a crush on him?” Louis put on her most incredulous face. 

_“Obviously,”_ she said, widening her eyes until Harry shook her head. 

“They didn’t? Were you that hopelessly gay?” 

“I was, actually. Came out to me mum by accident at six years old. Didn’t realize that I wasn’t supposed to say I liked girls, so I told her I was in love with a girl called Mary when we were walking home from the park one day.” 

“What happened with her?” Harry glanced over her shoulder as she stirred her glaze together. “How devastated was six year old Lou when things didn’t work out?” 

“Oh, we’d only met that day in the sandbox. Never saw her again. But mum believed me and never pushed me to date boys, and by the time I got an actual girlfriend everyone in my family just knew about me.” Louis stared, transfixed, as Harry dipped a finger into the glaze and brought it to her lips, tongue reaching out to lick it away. She had to shake her head to get her thoughts in line again. “What about you?” 

“My mom knows and so does my stepdad. And my older brother. The rest of the family is kind of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell,’ y’know?” Harry shrugged, giving her glaze another half-hearted stir. “I mean I don’t think they’d hate me personally but I doubt they’ll dance at my wedding.” 

“But your close family-- they’re okay with it?” 

“Mom was a little surprised. I told her when I was eighteen, just before I came here for school because I didn’t want her blaming it on that if she was upset. Kind of helped when I told her I was dating my best friend at the time, Allison. Like it made everything click for her, I think.” 

“And now?” 

“She’s really supportive. Kind of lucked out, I mean Liam’s family lives here and she barely sees them at all.” Harry hoisted herself up to sit on a clean part of the counter a little closer to Louis. “I’ve not introduced them to anyone, though. Nothing’s felt serious enough.” 

Louis hummed softly, wanting to offer to comfort Harry but not certain how or even if it was needed. Leaning forward a little, Louis reached out and stroked Harry’s bare arm, giving her a sympathetic smile when Harry looked back at her, nose scrunching momentarily. She clasped her hand over Louis’ and hopped off the counter, stepping into Louis’ space. 

“You’re really sweet, you know that?” Harry brushed Louis’ fringe away from face, the scent of sugar and orange oil that clung to her hands filling Louis’ senses. She turned her face toward Harry’s hand without thinking, lips brushing against Harry’s open palm in a tender not-quite-kiss that made Harry inhale and Louis’ own breath stop entirely. 

“Says the girl who tastes like sugar,” Louis managed to say. Her heart was pounding and she was trying her best to ignore the little voice in the back of her mind that was telling her not to get too invested. She didn’t care if she got hurt-- that was a problem for future Louis. Right now all she wanted was to let herself sink as deep into Harry as she could, indulging in her sweetness like nothing else was ever going to matter. 

“Are you going to kiss me, then? Or do I taste that good for nothing?” Harry raised an eyebrow in challenge, and Louis surged forward to bring their lips together, shutting her eyes only after they’d connected just to be sure it was real. 

Harry kissed the way she moved through the world, easy and open and fun and sweet, and Louis was swept up in it immediately, wrapping an arm around Harry’s waist and pulling her closer, chasing the pleasure she felt building. She usually didn’t put much stock in first kisses-- they had a tendency to be more awkward than not, tinged with clacking teeth or not enough pressure or any number of faults. Second kisses were almost universally better, and it was telling if any kiss beyond that was anything but enjoyable. 

It was silly to think it, but this kiss put all the others to shame. It was better than any tenth or twentieth or hundredth kiss she’d shared with anyone in the past, and when they separated to catch their breath she found herself almost afraid to move in for a second, just in case the first was an accident. She was pleased to find it wasn’t, moaning softly into Harry’s mouth at the slide of their tongues against one another. 

The beeping of the oven broke them apart soon after, leaving both of them breathless and hungry for more. Harry pulled the cake out of the oven and set it on a rack to cool, then shooed Louis out of the kitchen. 

“Bed, bed, bed,” she chanted, swatting at Louis’ ass as they made their way to her room. 

Harry fumbled with her apron strings for a minute before letting Louis untie them for her, and then the two of them collapsed onto the bed so they could kiss again. Louis hadn’t realized just how long it had been since she’d properly snogged someone, and she wanted to revel in it. She slid her hand beneath Harry’s tank top and touched the soft skin of her belly, moving slowly up her side. 

“Do you mind if we kiss for a while?” Louis asked, pulling back for a moment but still stroking her thumb against Harry’s skin, inching closer to her bra. Harry looked back at her with a dazed expression, half drunk on kisses. 

“If we don’t keep kissing I’ll probably die, so--” Harry leaned in and nipped at Louis’ lower lip, and Louis smiled at her, kissing her back. It was the answer she’d needed to hear. 

Time passed syrupy slow from then on. They pulled apart to breathe and to touch one another, asking for clothes to be taken off or checking that they weren’t being too gentle or too rough with one another. Harry wanted her hair pulled and Louis liked being groped and pinched and handled, and neither of them had complaints about providing what the other wanted. 

They didn’t take a break until Harry’s phone chirped sharply three times in a row, making her pull back from their kiss and fumble for it where it had fallen out of her apron pocket by the bed. 

“That’s Niall’s emergency text alert, I should look,” she said as Louis leaned back, watching as Harry’s eyebrows drew together. “Shit, she’s coming back early tomorrow.” Louis looked around the room for a clock, surprised when she saw that it was nearing midnight. They really had been kissing for hours. Harry’s sigh drew her attention back. 

“What time?” 

“She said between 7 and 8, which usually means between 8 and 9 for her with stuff like this. Apparently her mom is trying to set her up with some guy from their mega-church.” Harry turned back to her phone, focusing on her text for a moment before pressing send and tossing it aside. “Had to give her a reason to come back to get her out of it.” 

“Do you want me to go?” Louis pulled at the sheet that they’d gotten themselves wrapped up in while making out, trying to cover up a little in case Harry said yes. 

“No! Unless-- do you want to?” 

It was the last thing Louis wanted to do, but saying that felt like admitting more than she thought she should, so she settled for shaking her head and carding a hand through Harry’s hair before giving it a gentle tug that made Harry gasp. “What do you think?” 

“Think I need to be kissing you again.” 

“Yeah?” Louis bit back a smile as she pulled Harry’s hair again, harder this time. She drew Harry closer, holding her just out of reach for kissing. “You sure?” Harry’s mouth dropped open with a soft moan. 

“Uh huh,” she said, eyes falling closed. “Need it. Need you.” 

Louis moved in until she could feel their quick breaths mingling together, then brushed her lips over Harry’s, feather light. “Need me to fuck you?” Harry’s answering moan was louder and lower than her first, and the sound made Louis’ cunt pulse. 

“Need you to use me, Lou. Will you?” 

“God, yeah Harry.” Louis kissed Harry hard, giving her hair one final tug before releasing it to let Harry sink into their kiss completely. Her mind raced with possibilities of what to do, but stopped when she felt Harry’s hand on her side. Her touch was firm and deliberate, sliding down to settle on the top of Louis’ thigh and squeeze, and Louis pulled back, certain of what she wanted.

It had been ages since she’d been fisted, and there were moments when, even with a lot of lube, Louis wondered if she could really take all of Harry’s hand. Still, that made it even sweeter when she felt the pressure against her shift to a fullness inside that punched the breath out of her and made her arch off the bed as her legs fell open wider. 

Looking down, she watched Harry, eyes glazed and lips parted as she fucked deeper into Louis, biting back soft whines with each sound or movement that Louis made. Louis contracted her muscles, feeling Harry’s fingers still where they were curled inside her. “Look at me, baby.” Harry’s eyes shot up, wide and eager. “Gotta use you, right? Can you stay just like that?” 

Harry nodded, and Louis reached out to touch her face, wiping away the sweat that had gathered at her temple. Harry flicked her gaze between Louis’ eyes and her cunt as Louis moved against her, rocking her hips and grinding down to ride Harry’s fist. The hungry look in Harry’s eyes made Louis’ mind jump to thoughts of how her mouth would feel too, so she stroked Harry’s cheek, pulling her attention back. 

“Can I use your mouth too? Does that-- ahh, fuck!” At Louis’ words, Harry started moving her hand again, fingers curling against Louis’ g-spot as she shifted forward to steal a kiss. That it was an unexpected reaction made it that much hotter for Louis, and she opened her mouth for Harry right on time, tongues sliding together just as their lips met. 

“Sorry, that was just-- I wanted it so bad and when you asked I--” 

“Shh,” Louis tangled her hand in Harry’s hair, cradling the back of her head. “You’re perfect.” She wanted to swallow her words back down, but they were already out. Harry was still watching her with that hazy look as though she was the one getting fucked, and Louis worried she’d exposed herself as caring too much. “Your mouth is perfect.” She brushed her thumb over Harry’s lip and then pushed Harry’s head down with firm yet gentle pressure, Harry moving with it willingly. 

Louis held Harry’s head down and let herself ignore the feelings she was having that were too much and too soon in favor of giving in to the pleasure she got from Harry’s mouth against her clit and fist moving steadily inside her. The closer she got the more urgent Harry’s movements were until the building wave crashed over her. She registered Harry moaning against her cunt, hand slowing and finally stilling while Harry licked up the mess she’d made of Louis’ thighs. 

When Harry pulled out, Louis had to bite back a slight hiss, wincing at the tender ache that was left behind. Her thighs were still slick as she pulled Harry up to lie next to her, sharing a lingering kiss before settling, Harry’s head on Louis’ chest. 

“Can’t believe I’m going to have to quit school now,” Louis said as she played with Harry’s curls. Harry shifted to look up at her, brow furrowed. “Since you fucked my brains out ‘n all.” 

Harry dissolved into giggles, burying her head in Louis’ armpit and then nipping at the side of her breast. “I’d forgotten how fun it is to fist someone, and you were just so good for me. It was really…” she paused, and Louis held her breath as she waited to see how Harry would finish the thought, “a lot.” Louis must have looked confused, because Harry scrambled to say more. “In a good way, like, intense. Sexy.” 

“Well don’t think we’re done yet, yeah? There’s a She-Hulk with your name on it.” Harry’s eyes widened. 

“I-- you want to? I don’t want you to feel like you have to, y’know? Just because I invited you over.” Louis laid a hand on her shoulder and kissed her forehead. 

“Oh, I want to, love. Can’t wait to fill you up and watch you come.” Beside her, Harry shivered, and Louis pulled her a little closer, mind swimming with all the other things she couldn’t bring herself to say. It wasn’t like she was settling for sex with Harry. It’s just that she could already feel that she wanted so much more. She shoved the thoughts down and managed to keep them at bay for the rest of the night. 

They didn’t fall asleep until a few hours later, after Louis had watched Harry come apart on her ridiculously named dildo, her weight pressing Louis’ hips into the bed while Louis allowed herself to touch as much of Harry’s skin as she could. When Harry was spent, Louis got her on her back and sucked bruises to her thick inner thighs, savoring the taste of her and storing it away in case Harry didn’t want to do it again. It was 3am by the time they showered and crawled into bed, cuddling up with one another as if it were the most natural thing they could do. 

-

Of course daylight came too soon and they laid in bed snoozing the alarm til it was late enough that they decided to pretend Louis had come over for breakfast and coffee if Niall happened to come home when she’d said she would. They had slices of the cake Harry had made the night before and coffee that Harry made with cinnamon and clove that reminded Louis of a tea her mother had always made around the holidays. 

Harry had just decided to put on eggs when Niall walked through the door, tossing her bag oside and yelling “honey, I’m home” as she took off her shoes. When she saw Louis at their kitchen table, she did a double take. “Mornin’ Louis! What brings you over?” 

“I made cake,” Harry said. “And she came over to share with me.” 

“Is there enough for me?” Niall took off her beanie and placed it on Harry’s head before hooking her chin over Harry’s shoulder to watch her cook. “Can I have eggs? Did you make coffee?” 

“Yes, yes, and yes! Please go sit down, you actual child!” 

Niall snickered, poking Harry’s sides before taking a seat next to Louis and stealing a sip of Harry’s coffee from the mug she’d left on the table. “You should come over more often, Lou. Harry never makes her special coffee when it’s just me.” Louis raised her eyebrows and gave a little shrug. 

“Didn’t know I was that special,” she said, glancing over and catching Harry’s eyes where she’d turned from watching the eggs cook at Niall’s comment. 

“Of course you are, Lou.” Harry turned back to the stove, but Louis swore she could hear a smile in her voice. “She’ll definitely be around more if I have anything to do with it, anyway.” 

-

It took a little bit of juggling for their schedules to align for a second night together, this time at Louis’ house. Harry told Niall she was planning on going to the all night coffee shop to work on a paper that was due the following week so she wouldn’t be missed and then showed up at Louis’ door with a stack of books in hand that made Louis wonder if she was, in fact, coming over to work on a paper. 

“I just wanted to be believable, y’know?” Harry set her things down and straightened her loose, silky button down pajama shirt. “Even stopped by there earlier so I’d have a to go cup to bring in with me.” 

Louis chuckled, shaking her head, and hoped that Harry wouldn’t notice the hint of sadness she felt at just how much Harry wanted to keep whatever was happening between them a secret. “You’re nothing if not thorough.” 

“I might’ve brought cookies, too. Not for authenticity, but because I thought you’d like some.” She pulled a container from her bag and held it out for Louis to open. “Brown sugar shortbread with butterscotch chips.” 

When Louis lifted the lid the scent wafted up from the container, instantly bringing a smile to her face. “This smells like Christmas, babe. Heavenly.” Harry shrugged, tugging at her lip. 

“Made them with you in mind.” 

“That so?” Louis looked in Harry’s eyes as she took a bite of one of the cookies, the warm brown sugar of the cookie melting in her mouth, and moaned around it. 

“Think they taste like you,” Harry said, grin turning slightly wicked when Louis nearly choked on the cookie she was swallowing. 

“Couldn’t be sweeter than you, love. Been thinking about you for the past few days.” She really had been thinking about Harry almost non-stop since their first night together, though not just remembering how mind blowing the sex had been. Of course Harry’s kisses were sweet, and so was the taste of her, but what really lingered were Louis’ observations of her movements, her laugh, her reactions to things. They’d stuck in her mind like caramel.

“Yeah?” Harry looked down, batting her eyelashes, and Louis feared she might’ve said too much. 

“Yeah, the sex obviously. Thinking about-- that. With you.” Louis felt her cheeks heat a little, and she shoved another cookie in her mouth to stop herself from saying more. 

“That’s-- yeah, for me too.” Harry turned around, looking for a place to set the container, and Louis hurried to brush the crumbs from her fingers, desperately wanting to feel a little less discombobulated. 

“Sorry I didn’t make food for you like you did for me last week. Didn’t think you’d be terribly excited for anything I could cook.” 

Harry wrinkled her nose and shook her head, biting back a laugh. “Beans on toast? Fry up? Sorry, most of my British knowledge is based off of one very intense year in the _Sherlock_ fandom and bingeing _The IT Crowd_ and _Spaced_ with Niall two years ago.”

“What, no _Doctor Who_ Christmas specials thrown in there?” Louis poked at Harry’s side, eliciting a giggle, and raised her eyebrows before continuing, both with poking and teasing, naming various popular British television shows and films until Harry was bent in half and grabbing at her hands, face red as she tried in vain to stop laughing. 

“Okay, okay! I’ve seen some of those!” She held tight to Louis’ hands, drawing her close and kissing the tip of her nose. “Anyway I’m an adventurous eater. Wouldn’t turn down anything you wanted to try out on me.” 

“Is that right?” Louis turned her hands in Harry’s until she could grasp ahold of Harry’s wrists, the two of them standing close and breathing a little hard as they looked in each other’s eyes. Harry nodded. “You know that makes me feel as though I’ve got free reign with you, don’t you? Terrible idea.” 

“I think it’s pretty brilliant personally. You were so good with it last time.” 

That was all Louis could take before dragging Harry off to her bedroom for another night of sweaty, messy, ridiculously over the top sex. It didn’t last as long as it had their first time simply because they didn’t spend their first hour or more kissing one another, though Louis couldn’t really complain about that since they ended up showering together afterwards and kissed under the spray until the water went cold. 

Afterward they sat in her bed eating chips and reheated queso even though it was late, talking more about their lives and interests. Louis learned about Harry’s brush with being homecoming queen and her ongoing obsession with Claire Saffitz, then told Harry about her life-long best friend, Zayn, and the time that they’d snuck out to see Oasis as fifteen year olds only to find out it was a cover band and not the real thing. 

“In our defence the poster used a really weird font, so you really couldn’t read that they were called GOasis! They combined the letters and--” Louis was cut off by Harry’s laughter bubbling out, her tummy shaking with it as she leaned into Louis’ side. “We weren’t the only ones who didn’t know!” 

“But you might’ve been the only ones who were grounded for it!” Louis threw a chip at her. “Heyyyy!”

“I’ve shared one of my deepest memories with you--” Louis paused as Harry pursed her lips to stifle a laugh. “And you’re teasing me for it. Terrible.” 

“When I told you my homecoming story you said I would’ve won if they’d called it a homocoming and then kept whispering it every time the word came up, Lou! Turnabout is fair play.” Harry dipped her finger into the queso and brought it up to her mouth to suck off the cheese, effectively distracting Louis from anything other than her pink mouth and big hands.

“We’ve never done a size comparison, have we?” Louis silently chastised herself for the complete non sequitur as she tried to feign casual disinterest. Not that it really mattered how big Harry’s hands were compared to hers. She just...wanted to know. 

“That’s so gay, oh my god,” Harry said, leaning in to give Louis a kiss. “I love it.” She held her hand up, wiggling her fingers and waiting for Louis to press their palms together. 

The difference wasn’t as big as Louis would’ve guessed based on observation, though it was enough to be noticeable. Harry flexed her fingers, subtly shifting her hand up until she could cheat and grab at Louis’ fingertips with her own. 

“Oi! No moving them up like that. This is a scientific endeavor.” Louis gave Harry’s palm a little shove, making a show of twisting their hands this way and that and pretending to be unaffected when she was anything but. 

“Have you ever double fisted someone?” Harry’s voice went up at the end and Louis saw her roll her eyes at herself before continuing. “I mean I know we’re not that different sized, but yours are a lot more compact than mine? Like they might, um, I don’t know, like they could feel really good like that?” 

Louis blushed, lips twisting in a smirk as she shook her head. “I’ve never tried it. You think you’d want that?” Harry nodded. 

“Kind of wanna try at least?” 

“You did take my hand really well tonight, didn’t you?” Louis intertwined her fingers with Harry’s. “And I do remember you begging for more at one point.” 

“I did.” 

“But I also recall going harder and having you say, ‘just like that’ only a moment later.” 

“That is also true.” Harry reached out with her free hand and ran her fingers through Louis’ hair. “Even though I know I’ll still feel it tomorrow I just...want more? Since this is--” 

“Really amazing sex?” Harry nodded again. “For me too, love, I was thinking about it before you came over.” 

“So you’re in?” 

“Oh,” Louis brought her other hand up to the back of Harry’s, surrounding it. “I’m all in.” 

As they let their hands fall and moved in to kiss one another, Louis realized just what she meant in saying that. If she’d thought she could keep herself from falling for Harry-- could keep whatever they were doing to just sex and no feelings --it was clear that she’d failed already. The more Harry wanted might not have been the one Louis was craving, but Louis was in far too deep to deny her already. 

\- 

Things escalated quickly after that. Where they’d initially tried to fit seeing one another into existing gaps of time in their schedules, the next two weeks found them texting one another randomly just to see what the other was up to. They found ways to meet up almost every day, sometimes for a quick evening makeout in the Whataburger parking lot disguised as grabbing dinner or an off hours coffee at Starbucks that served as a cover for feeling one another up in the bathroom for as long as they could get away with. 

It helped that with the semester ending both of them had set aside time to devote to papers and deadlines. Louis found herself working harder and more efficiently than she could remember doing in a long time simply so that she’d be able to see Harry for a few hours at night. It was fortunate that Niall had bought Harry’s story about doing work at the all night coffee shop; it gave her an easy story for being gone that didn’t require too much lying so long as she made a point to stop by there at some point in the day. 

The only problem was that with every hour spent together, Louis found her fondness for Harry growing and deepening. A day before the end of the semester, somewhere between getting herself off to thoughts of riding Harry’s face and fine-tuning the argument in the last of her final papers, she found the time to call Zayn. She needed to get her head on straight, and her best friend was the only person she thought could help. 

Zayn answered on the second ring, voice a low and scratchy from sleep. “‘Lo?” 

“Shit, did I wake you?” Louis double checked the time-- it was just after noon in Texas, which meant it was early evening in Manchester where Zayn was living. “Bit early for bed, innit?” 

“Some of us require a lot of naps, Lou. We can’t all be sunny fuckers, can we?” 

“I’m a sunny fucker then? Hope that means you’re taking back everything you ever said about waking me up for morning classes.” Louis flicked on the kettle for a cup of tea, smiling when she thought she could hear Zayn doing the same thing.

“Nah, I stand by everything I’ve ever said to you. I’m pretty brilliant apparently.” 

“Why’s that?” Louis smiled fondly, wondering to herself why she hadn’t called Zayn in nearly a month. 

“Well you’re calling me an’ making tea, so I thought you needed my advice. Gotta be about something that’s not school, though. A girl?” Louis bit her lip, not eager to admit that Zayn was right. “S’alright, Lou. Reckon you met her after the last time we talked, like, end of November?” 

Louis cringed at how well the timeline lined up with when she and Harry had started their dalliance. Still, she had to give Zayn credit for knowing her so well. They weren’t best friends for nothing. 

“Met her a bit before, actually. Harry?” Zayn knew who Louis was talking about right away, and so Louis launched right into the details, not wanting to get too caught up in the fact that she’d already made it obvious how she felt about this girl. When she’d finished spilling out her story, her tea was starting to cool in her mug and she’d found her way to her bed, lying on top of her duvet as she took her first sip. 

“Wow, alright. So you’re proper in love with this girl, yeah?” 

“I am, aren’t I?” Louis shut her eyes as if it might keep her from seeing what was now entirely clear after just a few minutes of talking. 

“Yeah, you’re as bad as you were with that Katherine girl in year ten. The one you wrote the love song for.” 

As if Louis could forget Katherine, her first almost girlfriend. The girl who accepted every token of affection Louis gave her and offered to kiss Louis “for practice” when they were talking after a footie game only to drop her immediately and entirely when a boy came along a week later. Zayn had watched the whole thing warily, warning Louis that she thought Katherine was bad news, but when it had ended she’d never mentioned it in any way that cast blame on Louis. 

“Do you think Harry sounds like her?” Louis took a gulp of her cooled tea, wrinkling her nose at the temperature but not willing to do anything about it. 

“Honestly? I don’t know. She’s queer, so that’s one point in her favor. And you said she keeps baking for you? I like that.” 

Louis chuckled, resting her hand on her tummy. Harry had kept bringing along baked goods every time they met up for a sleepover, always leaving a few treats behind before leaving. There were chocolate dipped oat biscuits and ginger spiced cookies with four kinds of ginger inside, and there was a slice of apple cranberry tarte tatin that Harry had actually apologized for because “the cranberries shifted when it cooked and ruined the look of the whole thing,” as if Louis or anyone would actually care when putting something so delicious in their mouth.

“She does, yeah. But she wants to keep it a secret, Zayn.” 

“Yeah, but you told her you wanted the same thing. Maybe she’s doing it for you?” Louis heard the familiar beep of the microwave in the background followed by a slight hiss from Zayn as she pulled her food out and burned the tips of her fingers as usual. “Can’t really be sure unless you bring up telling people.” 

“But what if she says no and ends everything? Or says no but wants to keep going, and I’m sat at her wedding three years from now trying to hold back tears while she’s marrying someone who’s not me?” 

“Whoa, y’alright Lou? Sound like you’re planning on living out a Taylor Swift song.” 

Louis took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. “Sorry, just feeling a bit of a mess the more I realize how strong my feelings are when it’s hardly been any time at all. It’s stupid.” 

“It’s not,” Zayn said, voice softer than before. If they were next to each other right now they’d be cuddling, the weight of Zayn’s head resting on Louis’ shoulder. “You know I always think of what my mum said-- ‘loving someone hurts no matter what, but not doing it is worse.’ So you take the risk with Harry, and hopefully the reward is worth it. You’re pretty great, Lou. If she doesn’t see it then she’s not as good as she seems. Simple as that.” 

“Ohhh, it’s simple,” Louis teased, shaking her head fondly. “I’ll keep that in mind.” 

“You know what I mean!” 

“I do, I do. So I tell her I don’t want to hide what we’re doing and hope she agrees, and then get her to fall in love with me too. Pretty easy, that.” 

“Louis. Give her the chance to like you too.” Zayn’s soft sigh made Louis’ heart clench. “Maybe you won’t be disappointed.” 

They talked for a while longer after that, until Louis’ stomach growled for lunch and Zayn admitted she had a date that night with a girl she’d met off of Tinder who seemed promising. Louis made her promise to send an update afterward before they hung up, and was grateful to get a “she cute 😳” text several hours later. 

Meanwhile, Harry had sent her a flurry of texts near the end of her call with Zayn, the gist of them being that she wanted to come over that evening but only if it didn’t interfere with any of Louis’ plans. “I made snowman thumbprint cookies too,” the last one read. Louis laughed, quickly texting Harry back. 

“Was on the phone with my best friend, just saw these. Come over tonight, cookies or no (but also please bring cookies).” 

When Harry got there, Louis couldn’t find the right time to bring up her feelings, and before she knew it they were in bed, half naked and too caught up in each other’s bodies for it to be the right time. It wasn’t so bad, though. They’d been doing this for a few weeks now. What was one more day? 

-

Unfortunately one more day became one _more_ and then another and another, and suddenly more than a week had passed since Louis’ talk with Zayn. It seemed no matter how much she told herself to do it, she couldn’t actually take the step of talking to Harry about what they were doing. 

Maybe she should’ve guessed that she wasn’t doing the best job of not letting it bother her, but she didn’t realize how obvious she had been until she and Liam were having a pint to celebrate the end of the semester. They were at the same bar where she’d first seen Harry, sitting at the same familiar table, but this time it was far less crowded and it was a patio heater nearby causing Louis to sweat instead of the Texas heat. She’d just taken off her hoodie, tugging at her t-shirt where it had ridden up to expose her belly, when Liam came back with their beers. 

“So, end of the semester-- think you can finally tell me what’s been going on with you, or were you hoping you could pretend it was nothing a little while longer?” Liam sipped her beer and Louis widened her eyes, surprised by her friend’s candor. 

“I-- I’ve just been stressed, you know. The paper for Evans was big, and my advisor has already been on me for--” 

Liam clicked her tongue. “It’s not just that. I mean, yeah, we’re all stressed about that. But you’ve been sort of distant, maybe? We’ve only hung out once since Thanksgiving. I know I’m not your only friend but I’d usually at least see you around.” 

All Louis wanted in the moment was to spill her guts about what was going on between her and Harry. Liam knew both of them, after all, and would probably give her advice if she asked for it. But that would mean breaking the agreement she had with Harry, which wasn’t something she wanted to do. She pulled at the hem of her t-shirt, considering her options. 

“Orrr you don’t want to tell me,” Liam said with a sigh. “Which is fine, by the way. But I wanted to invite you to my Christmas party, and I’m not letting you get out of it too easily.” Louis shrugged her shoulders and smiled. 

“Of course I’m coming to whatever you’re doing for Christmas, Li. Can’t afford the flight home this year so I need somewhere to be, after all.” 

“Oh! That’s great! I mean, it’s terrible you can’t see your family, but it’s good you’ll be able to come. I usually have a couple people stay over on the 23rd and we spend most of the night watching our favorite Christmas movies and then wake up on the 24th and have brunch before people head out, but if you wanted to we could have a little Christmas dinner too.” 

“That sounds wonderful, actually.” Louis hesitated before continuing, wary of Liam’s reaction to what she was thinking of revealing. Liam seemed to notice, her expression shifting from neutral to concerned, and Louis cleared her throat. “The 24th is my birthday, so it’s probably best if I get to spend it with friends.” 

“Louis.” Liam pursed her lips, her face the picture of parental disappointment. “I can’t believe you haven’t mentioned that before! Now we’re definitely doing something special, not just the usual sleepover and movies. We could--” 

“No, no, the sleepover and movies sound great, and the brunch as well. You could try and track down some Yorkshire Gold, I’m on my last box and ‘ve been meaning to look for it. Gotta be somewhere, right?” 

“Oh, yeah. I’ll find it. You can make requests for brunch and dinner, too. I’m not great in the kitchen but I can follow a recipe.” 

Louis waved her off, but couldn’t help feeling a little bubble of happiness in her chest at the thought that she had a friend who cared enough to want to make her birthday a special affair even if she’d only just found out that it was happening soon. 

Their conversation shifted after that to gossip about their department and shared anxieties about the following term, Liam not revisiting her earlier concerns. Bullet dodged, Louis tried to psych herself up for a conversation with Harry sometime before the 23rd, which was less than a week away. 

\--

The problem with admitting her feelings to Harry was that Louis really couldn’t decide when to do it. That wasn’t the only problem, actually-- how was pretty big as was the question of whether she _really_ needed to do it --but it was the problem that she decided to focus on in the hopes that solving it would make everything else fall into place. 

With that in mind, she decided that the only good time for it was first thing, before they started talking or kissing and definitely before they were in bed. That meant possibly ruining all chance of getting to sleep with Harry one last time, though, and so Louis decided to give herself one more complete date. Just one. And then talking the next time they were together. 

In the interest of making it count, Louis agreed to meet up with Harry at a small holiday craft bazaar she’d seen a flyer for around campus. They met up inside the building, hugging one another hello, and then made their way inside, shrugging off their layers at the coat check. Harry admitted that she’d bought most of her presents already, but that she was always looking for presents around Christmas time. 

“I just like giving the right gift, y’know? Not just whatever looked good for $20 or less, but like-- the thing the person would’ve wanted if they were out shopping but never would’ve bought for themselves.” Louis nodded. 

“Yeah, I hate that I’ve had to do all my shopping online this year to make shipping easier. I like giving experiences a lot instead of physical gifts, like last year I took Zayn to this fancy exhibit she’d wanted to see but hadn’t been able to get to, and then took her out to a restaurant I knew she’d like.” Louis paused at one of the tables they were slowly ambling past, picking up a set of soaps and bringing them to her nose for a sniff. “But I like silly little things like this, too. Soaps or sweets, something that’s meant to be used.” 

“I love that,” Harry said, picking up a glittery bath bomb and holding it in the palm of her hand. She blew on it without warning, sending a tiny shower of glitter raining down on Louis’ shoulder, before setting it down with a giggle, teeth clamping down on her lower lip. “Sorry, didn’t realize it would, um-” 

“Turn me into a sparkly fairy princess?” Louis brushed at her jumper, a few flecks of glitter falling off but most staying firmly in place. 

“Well you _always_ sparkle, Louis. But you can be my fairy princess if you want.” 

Louis patted Harry’s cheek with her glittery fingers, leaving traces of iridescent gold and pink behind as she barely held in a laugh. “And you can be mine.” Harry widened her eyes, turning away quickly as her neck flushed red, and Louis took a step back, silently berating herself for going too far until Harry grabbed her arm and tugged her away from the table and onto another one that was lined with handmade clay animal figures. 

Harry didn’t bring up the glitter incident again and so neither did Louis. Instead they went from table to table, inspecting things and showing them to one another and mostly not buying anything until they saw a small concession stand selling hot chocolate and cookies. Louis paid for both hot chocolates, not giving Harry a chance to get her own, and so Harry bought cookies in retaliation. They shared them as they continued through the bazaar, talking and eating as they walked. 

“I haven’t asked your holiday plans yet, have I?” Harry nudged Louis as they came to a stop next to a table full of crystals and decks of tarot cards. 

“You haven’t, but I haven’t asked yours either.” Louis touched the point of a quartz, turning to raise her eyebrows at Harry. “I’m staying around here, obviously-- would be gone already if I weren’t --and going over to Liam’s for a sleepover on the 23rd and then a birthday brunch the 24th. She’s invited me to--” 

“Wait,” Harry said, putting her hand over Louis’. “It’s your birthday? On the 24th?” 

Louis shrugged. “Christmas baby, yeah.” 

“And you hadn’t told me yet because?” 

“Because I didn’t think of it?” Louis bumped Harry’s hip with her own. “You aren’t mad, are you? Can’t always tell what you’re thinking.” 

“Me? I feel like I’m always so obvious. Niall says I might as well wear a sign with whatever I’m thinking around my neck because everyone already knows just from looking at me.” 

“Well maybe Niall just has extraordinary powers of deduction, because I don’t always know. I don’t think you’re mad now, though. Are you, um--” Louis took a step back and studied Harry’s face, noting the place where glitter still shone on her cheek. “Worried?” 

“A little, yeah.” Harry nodded. “I’ve gotten you a little something for Christmas, but nothing for your birthday, and I feel like it should be special with you being born at Christmas.” Harry’s cheeks flushed and all Louis wanted to do was kiss her until the little crinkle on her forehead smoothed out. “What?” 

“C’mere.” Louis pulled Harry forward, a little huff of air leaving Harry’s mouth when their bellies pressed together. The moment she inclined her head to kiss Harry, Louis heard her hum softly, a happy little sound that resonated when their lips met a second later. It wasn’t much of a kiss-- just a bit more than a peck with the only hint of tongue Harry’s reaching out to swipe at Louis’ lower lip just as they broke away --but it reminded Louis of just how badly she wanted Harry. 

“What was that for?” 

Louis shook her head, looking down at the floor. “You’re just really sweet is all. Thoughtful.” 

“You deserve it.” Harry touched the toe of Louis’ shoes with her own, and Louis couldn’t think how to respond, not wanting to break their bubble of quiet among the small crowd of other shoppers. 

“Excuse me. Girls?” Louis turned to find a short, grey haired woman standing behind the crystal booth, smiling at them with her head tilted to one side as if she were looking at puppies in a store window instead of a pair of lesbians blocking her potential customers. Louis breathed a quiet sigh of relief and nodded for the woman to continue. “I thought I should tell you that in addition to crystals and tarot, I’m also available for astrology readings, specializing in couples’ charts. Have you ever looked at compatibility with your girlfriend?” 

Louis blanched, fishmouthing for a moment until her brain caught up enough to allow her to respond. “She’s not-- I mean, we’re not, um. We’re not girlfriends.” 

The woman looked at Louis with pure confusion, as if she hadn’t been able to understand Louis’ words at all, then moved her eyes to Harry for a moment and back to Louis again before nodding. “You’re very cute together, regardless.” She looked down at her table, moving some of the stones around, and Louis turned to Harry, immediately catching a far off look in her eye. 

“You okay, love?” Louis took Harry’s hand and squeezed it gently, and Harry looked down at it and back up into Louis’ eyes quickly. 

“Yeah, ‘m fine. Just, um, thought of something. It’s no big deal.” Harry pulled her hand free from Louis’ so she could point toward a booth in the corner. “I’m really curious about that one over there. It looks like teddy bears, right?” 

“Does, yeah. Should we go check it out, then?” 

The booth turned out to be handmade _clothes_ for bears, not the bears themselves, and Louis got to make Harry laugh by pulling together a few different items to create the gayest looks she could for a rainbow bear that was on display. By the time they were done there, they only had a few more booths to visit. 

“I realized-- I didn’t hear your Christmas plans,” Louis said as she stood next to Harry at a fancy handmade candle booth. “Going to your family?” 

“Yeah, I’ll be at Liam’s, actually. Then I’ll leave the afternoon of the 24th and be up there a few days. Should be back here a couple days before New Year’s.” Harry picked up a candle, testing the weight in her hand before giving it a sniff. “You know that’ll be the first time we’re all together since you and I, um--” 

“Started this?” 

Harry hummed as she set the candle back down and picked up one that Louis couldn’t see until Harry turned around for a dramatic reveal; it was a hand flipping the bird, and Louis laughed, shaking her head. “Started _this,_ more like.” 

“God, your sense of humor is terrible,” Louis said, unable to stop laughing. “What am I going to do with you, hm?” 

Barely holding back a cheeky grin, Harry pointed the candle at herself, speaking so quietly she was almost mouthing the word ‘me?’ 

“All you ever have to do is ask. You know that?” Harry rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue, and Louis had to hold herself back from leaning in to kiss her. 

“Think you can go get our coats while I finish up? Then we can, um, go somewhere else. If you’d like.” 

“I would. And I will. Go get our things, I mean. You buy whatever you want and we can meet outside, yeah?” 

It didn’t take long for Louis to pick up their jackets, and only a few minutes later Harry joined her outside. The two of them went to Louis’ place, the brief car ride mostly silent except for the Joni Mitchell album Harry had playing when they got in. Louis almost made a joke about it, but Harry seemed to be brooding a bit-- not really the best mood for taking a joking comment lightly --and so she laid her head on the cool glass of the car’s window and closed her eyes while Joni warbled about Christmas and rivers. 

When they parked, Harry sat silently for a moment, chewing her lower lip and staring forward, eyebrows drawn together in worry or frustration. Louis swallowed around the fear that Harry was going to end things right then and there; that somehow-- probably due to Louis’ attempt to have something closer to a proper date --Harry had decided it was all too much and was simply ready to be done with Louis. 

“I think I want to try it today, for real. Like, just go for it.” Harry’s words came out faster than usual, borne on a single exhale of breath. 

“Wha?” Louis blinked quickly as her brain processed the entirely unexpected information. 

“The, uh, the double fisting. We’ve been working up to it and I know it’s a bit of a leap still but I’d just--” 

“You don’t have to explain, H. I’m ready and willing if you are.” Louis’ heart thrummed in her chest, so loud and heavy she felt like the sound of it was filling the air around them. Getting to do this with Harry-- getting to try it, at least --was more than she’d hoped for on what she’d guessed would be their last date. As they got out of the car, Louis let Harry lead the way to the door, watching her walk and already thinking about spreading her thighs apart once they got inside. 

With the door closed behind them, Louis wasted no time in grabbing Harry’s hand, turning her around so they were face to face. Harry wet her lips, and Louis watched the action with a half smile, hungry for the taste of Harry’s mouth. Before Louis could lean in, Harry crowded her space, pressing against her hard enough that Louis felt a rush of air leave her lungs as their lips met, Harry grabbing hold of her hands and pinning them above her head. 

“I’m gonna be so good for you, Lou,” Harry whispered as she dragged her teeth over the shell of Louis’ ear. “Will you let me be good for you?” 

Louis nodded, swallowing hard and gasping for breath. “Fuck yes, baby. Anything, I’ll--” Harry nipped at Louis’ earlobe, giving it a tug before moving down to bite her neck, short-circuiting Louis’ mind completely. “Fuuuck, please. Bed, bed.” 

They stripped on the way there, or Louis did at least; when she turned around expecting to see a mostly naked Harry, she instead found a mostly clothed Harry standing in the doorway with her bag in her hand and a mischievous look in her eye. “What are you up to?” Louis asked as she stepped all the way out of her jeans. 

“I’m making a memory.” Harry’s smile softened for just a moment before tilting back up into teasing. “I brought a friend, and I thought what if I let you have some fun with that before you’re inside me.” 

“A friend, eh?” 

Harry nodded, shimmying out of the sweater dress she’d been wearing to reveal harness underwear that hugged the roll of her belly. She jutted her wide hips forward, giving them a playful slap. “I was worried about lines already with these so I had to bring it separately, but…”

“She-Hulk?” Louis raised her eyebrows, waiting for Harry’s triumphant nod. 

“I know you like my hands but I haven’t gotten to fuck you with a strap yet, and I just--” Harry leaned against the door frame and Louis tracked the movement of her hand as she trailed it over her curves. “I’ve been getting off to it for a while.” 

“Put it on, yeah? Wanna see you with that thick cock again.” Harry did as she was told, taking the dildo out along with a bag of condoms and lube packets and gloves-- her own little safer sex travel kit, apparently --and fitting it into her harness. It was bigger than Louis remembered, and her thighs clenched at the sight. Without a second thought, Louis dropped to her knees.

“Get ‘ere,” she said, almost panting with the desire to get her mouth on Harry’s cock. Harry stumbled forward, carding her hand through Louis’ hair as she stared down with her eyes wide and mouth agape. 

“Gonna suck me? D’you think you can?” Harry’s voice was low and dark like raw sugar on Louis’ tongue. She nodded. 

“Yeah, gonna make you beg to fuck me.” Louis ran her hands up the backs of Harry’s legs, fingers sneaking beneath the line of Harry’s boxers to feel the wet heat of her inner thighs. Gripping tight, she pulled Harry toward her and kissed the She-Hulk before opening wide to suck at the tip. 

She had Harry whining just from that sight, but when she went a little deep, gagging, and pulled off to let the spit drip onto her open palm before working her hand along the shaft, tugging hard, she knew Harry was done for. Most of the real work of the blowjob was done with one wet hand and her lips closing just over the wide tip of the cock, but it was enough to get her wet and feel Harry soaking through her underwear too. 

Louis was really beginning to lose herself in it when Harry shifted her hips back, pulling her cock free from Louis’ grasp with a grunt. “Gotta be inside you, please Lou, fuck. I’m so wet already if I don’t---” 

“Shh, it’s alright.” Louis stood, pressing close to Harry and kissing her neck and cheeks before moving to her lips, the two of them trading languorous kisses until Louis reached down to pull at Harry’s strap again, catching Harry’s moan in her mouth. For a moment she was struck by the horrible thought that she might not get to do this again, but then Harry gave her a slight shove toward the bed and she had to let go of anything but being right there in the moment. 

“Can we start from behind? Wanna-- fuck. Your ass is just--” Harry bit her lip and Louis laughed, getting on her hands and knees while Harry knelt on the bed. 

“Don’t like spankings, but you can slap it if you want to,” Louis said over her shoulder. She had to duck her head to hide her fondness when Harry nodded vigorously and palmed at Louis’ ass cheek, her caress almost reverent before giving it a quick, teasing smack. 

“How wet are you?” Harry slid a finger between Louis’ folds and Louis inhaled sharply at the slick glide. “Jesus, so fucking wet, baby.” Harry’s voice broke as if she were sobbing. 

“You’re gonna fill me up, right baby? Fuck me just how I need it, yeah?” Louis heard the familiar pump of lube into Harry’s palm and the wet slide of her slicking up the dildo, and she tried her best to relax in spite of the building anticipation. 

“Yeah, anything for you, Lou. Everything, god.” 

The blunt press of the dildo against Louis’ cunt was a relief after the buildup, and she parted her thighs more, pushing her bum up a little higher in the air. Harry gave her hips a squeeze and then slid her hands around Louis’ sides, touching the rolls on the side of her stomach in a way that might’ve tickled in a different circumstance but that just felt good now. “D’you know how hot you are?” Harry whispered. “Can’t believe it.” She pushed forward a bit, the head of her cock just breaching Louis’ cunt, and Louis sighed at Harry’s words as much as the sensation. 

“S’hot when you say that. I don’t usually feel it, but christ-- I do right now, baby.” Louis dropped her head as Harry eased her hips forward, fucking into Louis slowly. It was different from Harry’s hand, not as wide but with far less give, and the drag of it inside of her walked the line between painful and pleasurable. She let her mouth fall open, panting quietly. “More lube, yeah?” 

Harry didn’t answer, just silently filled her palm with lube and smoothed it on, the excess dripping down Louis’ thighs. Soon she was fucking Louis in earnest, rocking into her and pulling out, one hand on Louis’ hip and the other stroking over her back and touching her ass, finally giving it another slap after a while and then moaning when Louis responded to the action with a sharp, “fuck, yes.” 

Reaching a hand between her thighs, Louis rubbed at her clit, shifting to try to keep touching herself as Harry fucked her. She soon heard Harry whine, pushing in deep and staying there as she laid over Louis’ back. “Wanna see you come.” Her voice was low and breathy in Louis’ ear, and Louis shivered at the sound. “Gonna pull out and flip you over.” 

With a broken moan of agreement, Louis braced herself for the absence of Harry’s cock inside her. The feeling was worth it for the look on Harry’s face when she turned around, though. She was flushed from her chest to her cheeks, skin almost ruddy and nipples hard, with her lips a bright, bitten pink. Her hair had come loose from however she’d tied it up and a few curls framed her face, which was full of a focus that Louis hadn’t quite seen her with before. Louis’ reached up to touch her cheek, and Harry turned to kiss her open palm. 

“You alright, baby?” Louis asked, searching Harry’s eyes for an answer when she stayed quiet. 

“Yeah, just, getting you off always makes me so wet, and this-- it’s different. Good different,” she hurried to add, and Louis nodded that she’d understood. 

“Feels like a part of you, doesn’t it?” 

Harry reached down and stroked the dildo as Louis watched. It was tacky with come and lube, the glide of Harry’s hand not entirely smooth, and Louis bit her lip at the recent memory of having it in her mouth. That wasn’t what she wanted now, though. 

“Need you back inside me, baby.” 

At her words, Harry pumped more lube into her hand, slathering it on her strap and then wiping off the excess only to push it inside of Louis with three fingers, making her clench tight at the sudden sensation. A moment later, Harry’s cock replaced her hand, the change making Louis’ head spin. This time the angle was harder to get right-- their bellies rubbed against each other when Harry tried to fuck in deep, and Louis felt like she couldn’t quite spread her legs wide enough to let Harry get positioned between her legs. 

Louis felt herself getting frustrated quickly, silently wishing she could snap her fingers and move her belly out of the way. She thought about asking Harry if they could try a different position until she looked up and took in the concentration on Harry’s face. When she’d move forward her mouth would fall open until she caught her lower lip between her teeth again to shift her hips back. 

Seeing Harry so caught up allowed Louis to let go, hips relaxing enough that when she felt Harry take hold of her legs and spread them further apart she was able to let it happen. Their bellies still touched when Harry pushed in, skin sliding on skin wet with sweat, but it started to feel like part of feeling good instead of a detriment to what they were doing. Louis let herself get lost in it. 

As her orgasm drew closer, Louis couldn’t stop herself from looking at Harry. That was what Harry wanted, of course-- she kept looking at Louis too --but the problem was that it made Louis want to do reckless things. She wanted to tell Harry she was perfect, that there was nobody she’d ever felt this way for. When she found herself barely holding back from saying “I love you” she bit down hard on her lip, throwing her arm over her eyes. 

“Mmmm, no Louis,” Harry whined, grabbing at Louis’ arms until she was able to get a hold on both of them. Pinning Louis’ arms at her sides, Harry shook her head. “Gonna watch you, fuck you’re so pretty, so hot, you-- please let me watch you, yeah?” 

Louis nodded, tears pricking at her eyes. She refused to cry. “Wanna-- my clit--”

Though it wasn’t a complete sentence, Harry understood, releasing one of Louis’ hands to let her rub herself while Harry fucked into her harder than before. When Louis came she felt Harry’s hand tighten around her wrist, eyes locked on Louis’ as Louis let the feeling overtake her. She managed to hold most of her tears in but couldn’t contain the sound she made instead, a long, raspy moan that sounded a lot like Harry’s name. 

Even through the sounds she was making, Louis could hear Harry panting heavily, murmuring encouragements and swears of her own, mostly Louis’ name and god and yes. She held her position between Louis’ legs, stroking over Louis’ thighs and belly as they came down. 

“Gonna pull out now so I can kiss you,” she said softly before easing out of Louis’ cunt. Louis braced herself for it, but the emptiness still made her moan, tightening around nothing as if it might bring Harry back to fill her up again. It didn’t take long for Harry to get naked, leaving the dildo tangled in the harness briefs on the floor to deal with later. Louis grabbed for her, needy. 

“Was that an early birthday present?” Louis asked after they’d shared a few long, slow kisses. She and Harry were wrapped up in one another, Louis’ leg between Harry’s so she could feel just how wet she was. 

“Felt like a present for myself. But my birthday’s not till February.” Harry giggled, leaning in to kiss Louis again and subtly rocking against her thigh. 

“You don’t get to do that very often, then?” 

Harry shook her head. “Hardly ever. It’s not, um, really something I’d do with a hookup.” She bit her lip and Louis dragged her thumb over it, unable to stop herself. 

“Not everyone can handle a She-Hulk, I guess.” Harry hummed quietly, and Louis hated herself for needing to make a joke to stop from feeling vulnerable. “You were pretty amazing for someone who doesn’t do that a lot, too. Vying for sex goddess status?” 

“Nooo,” Harry said after a genuine little laugh. “Sex superhero more like. Or-- super sex hero? One of those.” 

“Ohhh, I see. Mission accomplished then.” Louis kissed her quick on the lips before drawing back a little to look in her eyes. “But you do know what that means, don’t you?” Harry raised her eyebrows and failed to hold back a dimpled grin.

“What?” 

“Super sex heroes get a reward. Keys to the city,” Louis kissed Harry’s cheek. “Maybe a medal,” she moved to kiss her neck and shoulder. “Sometimes they get anything they want.” She laved her tongue over Harry’s nipple, sucking it into her mouth when she felt it harden. “Could I give you something, baby?” Louis asked after she’d pulled off Harry’s nipple and replaced her mouth with her hand. 

“Oh god Lou, please. I’m so ready for you, you--” 

Louis chose that moment to move her thigh so that it rubbed right against Harry’s pussy and grazed her clit, sighing when Harry’s words were cut off by a broken, needy whimper. “I think I know what you want. You already asked me for it, didn’t you baby?” Harry nodded, and Louis skimmed over Harry’s curves, rocking against her softly. 

She took her time pulling away from Harry, working her way down Harry’s body with kisses and bites, reveling in the softness of her belly with its pale stretch marks that weren’t quite hidden by her tattoos. Louis couldn’t make herself rush, not when Harry was stretched out beneath her, squirming and almost begging for more. The most Louis did was to rub her knuckles through the slick wetness between Harry’s thighs, teasing her mercilessly. 

When she was ready to touch, she pushed in two fingers without warning, barely enough for Harry to really respond. Still, Harry gasped, making desire swirl in Louis’ belly, and Louis pushed herself to stop teasing and move just a little faster. She pumped lube onto her hand, easing three fingers in and moving to a fourth when Harry asked for more only a moment later. 

“Eager, aren’t you?” 

“Want you inside me,” Harry said, voice dark and a little raspy from all the noises she’d been making. “S’gonna be so good having all of you in me, so big. Fuck, I--” 

Louis cut her off with a nip at her inner thigh, pumping more lube onto her other hand and sliding a fifth finger inside along the four of her other hand. Harry opened up like a flower, legs spread wide and hips grinding down against the bed to let Louis go deeper. 

Sweat dripped down from beneath Louis’ breasts as she focused intently on tracking Harry’s reactions to the subtle movements of her hands. They’d worked up just past this point before, but it felt different this time, like something had shifted for both of them that was making it easier to move together, and the feeling of it was intoxicating. Louis had never been much for drugs, but she imagined this was something she could be addicted to: making Harry come apart with just her hands or her mouth or her body. 

“God yes, fuck Lou.” Harry reached out to touch Louis’ face, brushing a stray hair away from where it had stuck to the sweat on her brow. “Fuck, I love ahhh--” 

Working another finger inside of her, Louis held her breath, hoping Harry wouldn’t say more. She was already so far gone-- already knew that she’d spend far too long thinking about everything she’d found with Harry --that she couldn’t handle letting herself get pulled in deeper just because Harry had said something she didn’t mean during the heat of sex. 

“You’re doing so well, baby, taking it so good. Do you wanna know where we’re at?” Harry nodded, biting her lip as she watched Louis carefully. “One whole hand plus three fingers. It’s so much-- are you still green?” 

“Yeah, fuck, don’t stop, please don’t stop.” Harry’s eyes were a little glassy, the green somehow more vibrant than usual, and Louis shook her head. 

“Won’t stop til you tell me to, beautiful. So fucking hot like this, taking so much.” Harry shuddered, a low, soft sound falling from her lips. Louis felt Harry’s cunt tightening around her hands, the throbbing pulse of it like a heartbeat, and she almost broke apart herself at the sensation. “Fuuuuck, yeah, come for me, love. Come all you want to, baby.” 

Harry whined, reaching up to pet Louis’ arm down to her wrist, stroking gently with one finger as she came back to herself. When Louis started to move again, working another finger in, Harry kept her hand there, her fingertips occasionally grazing Louis’ forearm. The tenderness was almost too much, but Louis couldn’t bear to say anything and knew she didn’t really want to. 

The closer Louis got to having both hands inside Harry, the more Harry was undone, and as Harry came apart Louis found herself falling in deeper. Her dominant hand was cramping, as were her legs from being tucked beneath her for so long, but she had no desire to stop. Mesmerized by the way that Harry stretched around her, she kept moving her hands, slow and careful, pausing when she felt Harry getting overwhelmed only to start again in earnest when Harry came back down. 

When she finally clasped her hands together tight, moving both of them inside Harry at once, it was as though the world cracked open. Harry keened at the sensation, panting yeses and fucks and Louis’ name as she let Louis claim her, all as Louis herself was claimed in turn. She might as well have Harry’s name on her hands and her chest, burnt on like a brand or tattooed in golden ink. 

The two of them came down slowly from it, hazy and kissing, Harry occasionally widening her legs with a slight hiss, a soft smile on her lips, and Louis aching pleasantly between her legs and less pleasantly in her chest. If this was the last time they did anything together aside from being friends, at least it was this. One night of wonderful could be enough if it had to.

-

Louis awoke to a faint beeping that she thought at first was her phone. Before she could reach out to turn it off, she felt Harry shift beside her, grabbing her own phone off the bedside table. Harry groaned softly, and Louis shut her eyes to feign sleep as she waited to see what Harry would do next. 

The bed shifted and a moment later Louis listened to Harry’s quiet footsteps leaving the room. She was on alert after that, wondering if Harry would come back and what could’ve dragged her away. There were faint sounds of conversation, something hushed and quick, before she heard Harry come back to gather her clothes. She paused before leaving the room, and Louis wondered if she was looking for something and too afraid to turn the light on, not wanting to wake Louis. Whatever had made Harry pause, she didn’t stay for too long. Louis tracked the sounds of her getting dressed and brushing her teeth before hearing her close the front door as she left the apartment. 

After a few minutes of lying awake, Louis forced herself to get up too. It was too early to actually stay awake, but she knew there was no use trying to sleep without at least having a cup of tea. Flicking on the kettle, she spotted a note that Harry had left for her on the counter.

It read: "Lou-- sorry to leave without saying goodbye, but Niall sent me a 911 text and I had to go get her. Will explain later if she's ok with it but I didn't think she'd be safe in an Uber. Last night was incredible, and I think we should talk about it? And us? Didn't want to leave this in a note but it felt better than a text...♡, Harry"

There was a hastily scrawled PS that said "see you at Liam's," which Louis took as Harry's way of saying she wanted to wait to talk til they were there-- someplace public, or at least surrounded by friends, obviously --instead of seeing each other again beforehand. As much as she hated it, it lined up with everything she'd been thinking about already. Harry must've caught on to how deep Louis' feelings were and decided to end things. 

She folded the note up with a sigh and leaned against the counter, listening to the sound of the water bubbling inside the electric kettle and contemplating what she could've done differently. Should she have been more direct from the jump, telling Harry how deep her crush ran? Maybe she could've done that any number of times over the past few weeks. It didn't feel like it mattered now, though. 

Louis curled up on the couch, burrowing into her favorite soft blanket with her cup of tea and looking out the window at the still dark sky. She couldn't make herself go back to bed, at least not without changing the sheets, and so she stayed there till she fell into a deep, dream-filled sleep.

Harry texted with a quick hello the next evening, asking if Louis had seen the note she left. Louis responded a little more tersely than she probably should've, but the last thing she wanted was to come across as sad or clingy or needy. "Got it. We'll talk about it at Liam's." The period at the end was probably too much, but she'd already hit send by the time that thought occurred to her. 

The night of the 23rd arrived before she knew it. She got to Liam’s a little early to help her get things set up, finding her sitting on the couch untangling a strand of lights while the image of a roaring fire played on the television. 

“See why you left the door unlocked for me. Need help with the fairy lights there?” Louis set her things down and joined Liam on the couch, reaching for the other end of the string of lights. Liam chuckled to herself. 

“Fairy lights! You always sound British but sometimes you say something and it’s just _extra_ British.” She untwisted a knot in the cord, shaking her head. “I’ll bet we still sound funny to you too, though. Do we?” Louis rolled her eyes and laughed. 

“Yeah, you do. ‘Specially you, Lima.” When Liam gasped, mock offended, Louis laughed again. “Alright, alright, Niall is pretty awful too sometimes. When she’s drunk I don’t always believe she’s speaking English.” 

“What about Harry? Does she escape your judgement?” Liam waggled her eyebrows and Louis scoffed, giving her a gentle shove. “That’s a yes, then.” 

“I’ll not untangle these if you’re going to keep being a wanker, so consider your next move carefully.” 

“Ooh, alright.” Liam took Louis’ side of the light string from her hands and shooed her away. “You can go put your things in the guest room and play bartender if you want instead? I could go for a Christmas drink.” 

Louis got a rundown of Liam’s preferences and then put her bag in the guest room, stepping over the extra air mattress that was on the floor next to the bed. When she got to the kitchen, she found that Liam had brought out a variety of liquors and mixers as well festive glassware in the form of mugs shaped like Christmas characters. She chose a Rudolph mug for Liam and a Santa one for herself, mixing up hot toddies in both of them. 

She’d just finished stirring them up when she heard the front door opening, Harry and Niall bickering about something as they made their way inside. They called hello and Louis took a sip from her mug, burning her tongue on the hot liquid in her haste to avoid responding. She cursed softly just as Liam yelled, “Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!” from her spot on the couch. 

With Harry and Niall occupied, Louis hung back for a moment, silently asking herself why she hadn’t just talked to Harry earlier. Maybe on the phone. Or showing up at her apartment one day. Anything but leaving it until now. 

“Louis, have you got my drink? You could make one for these two, too.” 

“Made toddies, is that good?” Louis called back, already pulling the mugs toward her. 

“I was hoping for something special, maybe.” At the sound of Harry’s voice, Louis stilled, her breath catching in her throat. “If you felt like it.” 

“Sure.” Louis swallowed, holding tight to her mug as she turned around to face Harry. “Oh!” She hadn’t thought she was prepared to see Harry again, but she never could’ve guessed how right she was. Harry was always beautiful, but tonight she wore a green velvet dress with a wide and low neck that accentuated her cleavage and a swingy hemline that hit her mid-thigh. Her hand rested on her hip, subtly pulling up the hem of the dress to reveal garters holding up the pair of tall socks she wore. “You look amazing,” Louis managed to say. It was surprising considering the sight of Harry had nearly killed her. 

“You look pretty good yourself.” Harry bit her lip, her eyes darting from Louis’ face down to the ground. “Practically 28 looks good on you.” 

“I’m basically in pajamas, H. Can’t look that good.” 

“It’s-- you do to me.” Harry pressed her lips together as if she was holding more words inside her mouth, and Louis wanted to reach up and touch her lips to let them out. She took another sip of her drink instead, giving Harry a moment to continue if she wanted to. When she didn’t, Louis turned away, offering to make her a drink. 

The awkwardness continued between them for the rest of the night, and Louis realized a lot of it was her own doing. When they piled onto the couch to watch _Love, Actually_ and _Elf_ , Louis waited until everyone else was seated before sitting on the floor instead of squeezing into the spot next to Harry. Their eyes met a few times during the movie, long glances that Louis couldn’t interpret, and when Harry tried to signal for Louis to follow her into the kitchen for more popcorn, Louis pretended she didn’t notice. 

They took a break to order pizza at the end of _Elf_ , Liam turning off the credits before “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” could get beyond its’ first line. “We should do cookies while we wait, then watch our next movie once the pizza is here,” Liam said as she got up from the couch. 

“Do cookies?” Louis moved her legs so Liam could pass. “Are we baking then?” 

“Our little baker elf made them, didn’t you H?” Niall leaned into Harry’s side. “Even flavored the icing orange because she thought you’d like it.” Harry’s cheeks colored a little even as she rolled her eyes, pretending to be more annoyed than she probably was. 

“Who doesn’t like orange? Royal icing needs something.” Louis looked at Harry’s lap, where she fingered the hem of her dress as she spoke. “And it’ll taste good with the tea cookies.” 

“Tea cookies?” Louis’ gaze shifted to meet Harry’s. 

“Um, yeah. They’re a sugar cookie recipe but flavored with tea.” 

“Yorkshire tea,” Niall said, giving Harry a nudge before she got up to follow Liam into the kitchen. “She made me get it special from Central Market the other day. So you know it’s fancy.” 

“That’s my favorite tea.” 

Louis said it more to herself than anyone else, but as Harry got up to go into the kitchen with everyone else Louis heard her whisper back, “I know.” 

They gathered around the kitchen table, laughing and passing around the little bags of brightly colored icing that Harry had brought along. The longer they spent in that activity the easier it was for Louis to forget that Harry was probably going to end things with her at some point that night. It didn’t hurt that the cookies were fantastic, with just enough milky tea flavor to remind Louis of home while still tasting like Christmas sugar cookies. 

The whole thing loosened Louis up enough that she didn’t realize she’d been touching Harry more until Niall made an offhand comment about the two of them having a _Ghost_ moment with cookies. “I’m just waiting for Harry to get behind you and hold your hands to teach you how to pipe. I’ll sing the song if she does it.” Harry’s eyes widened a little as she slowly looked up at Niall and blinked just once, silently telling her to shut up. “What? It’s funny!” 

Liam’s phone beeped to let them know the pizza had arrived, giving Louis some relief from the tension Niall had created as she followed Liam to the door leaving Niall and Harry to tidy up the cookie supplies. They watched _Die Hard_ while they ate, Liam forcing Louis to take her place on the couch between Harry and Niall while she took the floor. It wasn’t too awkward, though there were several times that Louis had to stop herself from leaning over to whisper something to Harry. At one point when the onscreen tension was high, they ended up holding hands as well, but Louis did her best not to read into it. 

When the movie ended, Liam checked her watch-- it was still evening, though getting late --and stood up, clapping her hands together. “Alright, since tomorrow we’re celebrating Louis’ birth, we’re doing the gift exchange tonight! Gather ‘round the tree, y’all!” She sounded enough like a cruise director that Louis had to laugh. 

They’d agreed on a $10 limit for their gift exchange, and Louis was eager to see how her gifts measured up to everyone else’s. They took turns going around, the presents a mix of the silly (a tiny fancy hat for Harry from Niall), the practical (an LED bike light for Niall from Liam), and the sentimental (a Christmas ornament with a photo of the two of them in their Halloween costumes for Niall from Harry), meaning that Louis’ gifts for everyone else fit in pretty well. She’d gotten novelty beer mugs for Niall and a queer guide to hosting parties for Liam. For Harry, she’d picked up the glittery bath bomb on her way out of the craft market, adding in two others that felt like Harry in order to hit the $10 limit. 

Harry’s smile widened when she opened the gift, picking up the glittery bomb and turning to Louis with lips puckered like she was going to blow on it. 

“Oi! No fairy princessing this close to my birthday, please! Still finding glitter in me hair from last time.” Harry giggled, though Liam looked confused, poised to ask for more details when Harry encouraged Louis to open her gift from Harry next. 

She opened the box to reveal a blue-green galaxy colored middle finger candle like the one that Harry had held up for her at the craft market the other day, laughing to herself as she lifted it up to show everyone. “I’m pretty sure this was over the $10 limit, love.” Louis locked eyes with Harry, who scrunched her nose to hide her grin. 

“Was going to make that your gift for tomorrow, but I changed my mind. Didn’t think it’d get me kicked out or anything.” 

“That’s sick as hell, H. Where’d you find it?” Niall flicked her LED light on and off at the candle like a strobe, illuminating the sparkling silver and gold glitter that was swirled into the wax. 

“This craft market we were at the other day. Had to sneakily buy it so Lou wouldn’t see.” 

“Ugh, the one from the day of my holiday party?” Harry nodded, and Niall let out a dramatic sigh. “Thanks again for coming to save me that night. What a fucking shit show.” 

Louis remembered Harry’s note from when she’d left that night, and wondered if Niall would offer more details without Louis asking for them. Fortunately Liam did it for her. 

“What happened? Was it serious?” 

Niall exchanged a look with Harry, who gave her a slight nod. “Don’t wanna bring y’all down, but yeah. Caught this guy Craig putting a roofie in someone’s drink. I got security and had him escorted out, and then I had to go through a whole thing of recounting what I’d seen. Plus the girl he was trying to drug had a little of the drink and I ended up staying with her til she was able to get around.” 

Liam and Louis both reacted immediately, giving Niall sympathetic pats and cursing under their breath about how horrible that sounded. Louis looked up to share a look with Harry, her expression tight and unreadable. 

“Yeah, the guy’s on an unpaid suspension right now, and if he doesn’t get fired I’m raising hell. Thankfully Harry came and picked me up so me and the girl didn’t have to Uber somewhere. We got her home and then H made me hot chocolate.” Niall grasped Harry’s hand, kissing her knuckles. “Best girlfriend ever.” 

Harry rolled her eyes and Louis wished she could drag her away to talk to her immediately. Knowing the details of what had happened that night with Niall made her question everything she’d thought about Harry leaving-- the abruptness, the note she’d left, even the moment that she’d paused in the bedroom. None of it felt as much like a dismissal or running away as it had when she didn’t have context. It might’ve been wishful thinking, but part of her wondered if she’d misread everything. 

From then on, Louis couldn’t stop thinking about how to get Harry alone. She offered to make hot toddies, hoping that Harry would follow her into the kitchen, but found herself with Liam instead. And when they moved to the couch to watch another movie, Louis just missed out on sitting next to Harry, Niall sliding into the middle of the couch and snuggling up with her as Liam debated the merits of watching _Home Alone_ vs. _Home Alone 2_. 

When Harry started yawning midway through the first film-- they’d decided on watching both Home Alone movies, in order --Louis saw her chance. She waited for Harry’s yawns to increase, and when they did she started yawning as well, only doing it a couple of times before Liam noticed and hit the pause button. 

“Should we stop the movie?” Kevin was in the middle of laying all his boobie traps and Niall looked quite offended by Liam suggesting they not watch him finish. Louis shook her head. 

“I can just head to the guest room.” 

“Maybe I’ll go too. I think I nodded off at one point there,” Harry said, standing up even when Niall made grabby hands to try to get her to stay. “Where should I sleep?” 

Liam shrugged. “I’d thought you and Niall could stay in the guest room too, but since we’re gonna watch another movie she can sleep with me and the two of you can share the bed so nobody has to do the air mattress. It’s sturdy but obviously the bed is better.” 

“That’s--” Harry looked up at Louis, waiting for her to signal that she didn’t mind the two of them sharing. At Louis’ reassuring smile, Harry nodded. “Great, yeah. We’ll see you for brunch in the morning.” 

They took turns in the bathroom as Liam and Niall continued watching the movie, the sounds of the television following them into the guest room until they closed the door. Though she’d brushed her teeth and washed her face, Harry still wore her green velvet dress as Louis watched her move through the room to join her on the edge of the bed. She was so beautiful that Louis’ heart ached with it, and for a moment she wondered if maybe she should pretend they had nothing to talk about just so she could kiss Harry again and feel the difference between the velvet softness of Harry’s thighs and the fabric that covered them. Anything to not take away the chance for more. She couldn’t do it, though. 

“So,” she said as Harry tucked one leg beneath her. “We should, um, we should talk, yeah?” Harry nodded, and the two of them paused, each waiting for the other to speak. Harry was the one who finally did it. 

“The last night we spent together was, uh, pretty great, right?” It was Louis’ turn to nod, biting her lip as she waited for Harry to continue. “And I realized that,” Harry sighed, worrying at the hem of her dress for a moment, “maybe I wasn’t completely honest with you about everything and that’s not really fair.” 

Louis wrinkled her brow, confused by what Harry was saying. Thoughts racing, her mind landed on an outrageous thought that she couldn’t keep from spilling out. “Oh my god, are you actually dating Niall?” Harry barked out a laugh, her worried expression melting away as she shook her head. 

“Oh god no! I told her to quit with those jokes and she’s been better about it for a while now but I let it slide tonight. No, it’s, um,” Harry turned so that she was facing Louis completely, taking a breath before she spoke again. “When we started out you said you wanted this to just be about sex, and, god, I know it’s probably stupid to you or something, but I haven’t done that a lot and I don’t think I can? Or at least I don’t want to. With you, I mean.” 

“You-- sorry, what?” Happiness and surprise bubbled up in Louis’ chest, and she tried her best to tamp them down until she was certain about what Harry was saying. 

“I’ve wanted to date you this whole time, and I didn’t tell you because I thought it would be fine, like-- you’re, ugh, stupidly hot, and I should just go with it, y’know? But you’re not just my physical type, you’re, like, my _everything_ type. You don’t hate my puns and you think that fat people are sexy and you make me laugh all the time. And you’re smart, and sensitive, and I haven’t wanted someone the way I want you since-- ever, maybe?” Harry had to gasp for air, having just spoken faster than Louis had ever heard her speak before. 

Louis started to respond, but Harry hushed her with a gentle squeeze to her hand. “I wanted to stay so bad the other night and wake up and tell you how I felt. I fell asleep thinking about waking up to make us breakfast tacos and you telling me that you cared about me too much to hide what we were doing anymore.” 

“And then Niall called.” 

Harry nodded. “And as soon as I heard what was happening I had to go help her. She’d hung out with that guy before, like gone out to drinks with him and a few other people from work.” Louis winced with sympathy, and Harry took a deep breath before continuing. “I almost woke you up instead of leaving a note, because I didn’t want to wait. But then I didn’t know what you’d say and I knew I couldn’t talk, so--” 

“You left the note. And I didn’t text you about it until you texted me, and that was a, uh, pretty shit text, given the circumstances, yeah?” 

“No, it’s-- Lou, you don’t owe me reciprocal feelings, okay? And I think if we’d talked in person that morning you would’ve let me down gently enough.” 

“Harry, no.” Louis moved forward, touching Harry’s face with one hand and bracing herself with the other. “I wouldn’t have let you down at all, baby. I didn’t-- I couldn’t --believe you were really interested in me for anything more than sex.” Harry chuckled wetly at that, her eyes a little damp after her own confession and the surprise of listening to Louis’. “I’ve wanted you so much from the moment I saw you, and every second we’ve spent together has made it harder for me to ever think of getting away from those feelings.” 

“Really? You’re not-- you don’t have to pity me or anything--” 

Louis closed the distance between the two of them, pressing her lips against Harry’s and feeling them part almost instantly to let her deepen the kiss. They sank into one another as if they hadn’t left the bed from the other night, immediately in sync in a rare way that Louis now knew was reciprocal. Though she hated to break the kiss, she made herself do it, keeping in mind that they’d come right back to it soon. 

“Apparently I’ve fucked things up pretty badly if you think any part of me pities you, baby. Every time we saw each other I’d wish you just wanted me the same way I wanted you, and now I’m finding out you actually did. And that night-- I’d decided to tell you how I felt after letting myself have one really nice day with you, so I’d have the memory even when you said you didn’t want to see me anymore. I thought you wanted to end things the next time we saw each other. I thought I’d showed you too much.” 

Harry laughed at that, leaning in to kiss Louis with the smile still on her lips. “I could see all of you every day and never get tired of it, Louis. I thought you had to know.” 

“And I thought you had to know,” Louis said, shaking her head. “For two relatively smart people we’re pretty fucking stupid, eh?” They kissed again for a while until Louis couldn’t stop herself from touching the soft fabric of Harry’s dress.

“That tickles, baby!” Harry took Louis’ hand and moved it from her stomach to her thigh, beneath her skirt. “You know I only got this dress because I wanted you to take it off me. Isn’t that silly?” 

“I have absolutely no problem taking this dress off you, love. If that’s what you want. But I thought you were trying to kill me when you walked in wearing it earlier. Think I forgot how to breathe for a moment there.” Louis slid her hands up Harry’s thighs to her hips and then down again. “Can I?” 

Harry nodded, and Louis sat up on her knees, lifting the dress up to expose Harry’s belly and then working it over her chest and up off of her raised arms. It was soft and warm in her hands, but nothing could be as soft and warm as Harry. Dropping the dress onto the bed, she sat back to look and gently touch. Harry wore the emerald green bra that had accompanied the She-Hulk costume she donned at Halloween along with matching emerald green panties and a garter belt. Louis quickly forgot how to breathe again. 

“Harry, you’re-- I’m gonna tell you every day how beautiful you are, yeah?” Louis’ fingertips danced reverently over the shiny skin of the faded stretch marks on Harry’s stomach and hips and then grazed the top of her bra where it lay against her skin. “Just thought you should know.” 

Humming softly, Harry tangled her fingers up with Louis’, kissing each fingertip in turn. “If you don’t think I’m going to do the same with you then you’re wrong. Just thought _you_ should know.” They both laughed at that, kissing some more before deciding they were both tired enough to want to go to sleep-- or at least kiss in the dark and horizontal instead of sitting up all night. 

Harry stripped off her lingerie and grabbed a t-shirt for sleeping, but Louis took it from her hands, beckoning her into bed, and she tossed it aside. “Niall is probably going to come in here tomorrow morning and find us, but she’s seen my tits about eight million times by now, so I don’t mind.” 

“I want everyone to know we’re together,” Louis said, nuzzling closer to Harry and pressing a kiss to her head. “Proper girlfriends.” 

“Prop-uh gullfrends,” Harry said, her poor attempt at Louis’ accent making both of them dissolve into giggles. 

“Is that a yes?” 

“Obviously, Lou. Obviously.” 

Louis didn’t remember falling asleep, but her dreams were some of the best she’d ever had-- lying in tall grass with a night sky full of stars overhead with Harry by her side. When the stars started falling, they rained down sugar that sparkled in the moonlight, dusting their skin with glittery sweetness. 

-

Just as Harry predicted, Niall came in to wake them up the next morning. Somehow she didn’t seem fazed in the least, jumping on the bed and laying down so that she was half on and half off, feet dangling and head right around Louis’ knees. 

“They’re finally together, Liam! It’s Christmas!” Liam stuck her head in the room and smiled.

“That’s great! Congratulations, you two.” Harry and Louis exchanged confused looks, about to ask Liam and Niall why they weren’t surprised when Liam shrugged and said, “Anyway, I’m making pancake and waffle batter, so get up soon!” She turned to leave only to spin around a moment later to add, “Oh, and happy birthday, Louis!” 

Niall chose that moment to shift her position a little, inching higher on the bed until Harry reached out a hand and scratched her head as if she were a puppy. “If you’re wondering how we knew, you two aren’t nearly as slick as you thought. Heard part of your conversation at Thanksgiving, and I’ve been using Harry’s baking as an indication of how things have been going.” 

“Ni! Why didn’t you say anything?” Harry’s hand stilled for a moment until Niall looked up at her. 

“Figured you’d talk to me when you were ready. And besides, you only bake exciting things when you’re happy. If you’d started making batches of vanilla cake I would’ve sat you down and made you talk.” 

Louis couldn’t help but laugh. “I’ll keep that in mind,” she said, leaning in to kiss Harry good morning. 

“You better. And just so you know, Harry may not be my girlfriend, but she’s my family. That makes you family too, unless you hurt her. Can’t tell you what’ll happen to you then, but I do know how to fire a gun.” 

Harry slapped at Niall’s head, scoffing loudly. “Jesus, Niall! Don’t threaten to shoot Louis! What the hell?” Louis watched the two of them exchange looks, appearing to have an entire conversation without exchanging a single word until Niall turned to Louis looking like a scolded child. 

“Sorry, Lou. I won’t shoot you, but I _do_ get protective about Harry. Just so you know.” 

“You have my permission to get incredibly angry with me if I ever hurt her, but I’m going to do my best not to. You have my word on that.” 

“Haha! Excellent! Knew I liked you, Lou.” With that, Niall sat up and scooted off the bed, tossing Harry’s underwear at her from where she’d left them. “And Harry if you touched me with your sex hand you’re legally required to tell me.” Harry responded with a single withering look that made Niall cackle. “Alright, get dressed anyway! It’s Louis’ birthday brunch!” 

All of them made a fuss over Louis for the rest of the morning and early afternoon. Liam had bought actual bacon for her instead of the style of bacon that was usually served in the states, and Niall gave her a massive box of Yorkshire Gold as her birthday gift so she could have tea instead of coffee with her meal. Harry had made her a breakfast cake-- a sweet potato and ginger cake with shreds of white and dark chocolate --as well as a small one for Louis and Liam to share over dinner (devil’s food with peanut butter frosting and a fluffy layer of marshmallowy cream inside). 

Harry gave her a book of poetry and cowboy shirt with pearl snap buttons that she’d thrifted in addition to the cakes, and Louis made a mental note to properly spoil her on her birthday since she’d gone above and beyond without even knowing that Louis was in love with her. When she had to head off to her family later in the day, they spent far too long kissing in Liam’s spare bedroom, finally breaking apart when Harry’s mother called to find out why she hadn’t gotten on the road yet. 

“I was saying goodbye to my girlfriend, mama. It’s her birthday today.” Harry blew Louis a kiss as she walked to her car, phone still held to her ear. Louis almost spontaneously combusted. 

The rest of Louis’ birthday was spent doing a puzzle and hanging out with Liam while she cooked along with calls to people back home-- her family and a couple of friends. She told anyone who would listen about Harry, and when she told Zayn she was met with a smug smile that might as well have been accompanied by an “I told you so” for how obvious it was. Not that Louis could blame her; she would’ve been the same way. 

-

When Harry got back on the 28th, she came straight over to Louis’. Niall was staying with her family until the 30th, and Harry explained that she had no desire to stay apart from Louis after their brief separation for Christmas. The time between then and New Year’s Eve flew by, filled up with kisses and sex and shared meals where their food sometimes went cold because they were talking, learning everything they could about one another and marveling in each detail. 

There were ways they didn’t quite fit together so easily, of course-- their music tastes weren’t exactly the same and Harry couldn’t watch Louis cook without pointing out all the things she could do more efficiently, and Louis quickly realized that Harry’s hair was a project every morning, no matter how effortlessly beautiful she looked. Louis could imagine that they’d fight about things eventually, but nothing seemed impossible to overcome when so many things worked just right between them. 

They ended up celebrating New Year’s Eve at Liam’s house, watching the ball drop together with most of the people who’d been there for Thanksgiving along with a few new people and plus ones. Everyone who saw them together smiled like it made sense, and any leftover worries Louis had were gone quickly once she saw that nobody was waiting to judge them or confess their secret crush on Harry to try to break them apart. 

Of course they kissed at midnight, Louis feeling like all the cheers and noisemakers were for the two of them. They stepped outside a few minutes later to watch the fireworks that people were setting off all around them, bright bursts of color and noisy pops filling the air. 

“Happy New Year, baby,” Harry said softly, leaning in to nuzzle her cold nose against Louis’ neck. Louis laughed at the sensation, wrapping her arms around Harry to keep her close. 

“Happy New Year to _you,_ baby. Any resolutions? Hopes?” 

Harry shook her head. “Think I’m just gonna take every day as it comes. Appreciate every second I spend with you and hope I get a billion more.” Louis couldn’t help herself; she pulled Harry to her and kissed her with the force of all the love she felt in that moment. When they parted a while later, both of them were breathless. 

“Wanna know mine?” Louis asked. She didn’t have to wait for Harry to nod or say yes, knowing she’d care about Louis’ answer as much as Louis had cared about hers. “I’m gonna tell you how I feel about you every day. Tell you I love you. Tell you that I want to wake up to your face as much as possible and go to sleep next to you as many nights as I can.” She heard Harry’s contented hum and leaned in to place a soft kiss to her lips. “Love you, Harry.” 

“I love you too, Lou.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Got this baby in RIGHT under the wire, wow!!! Many thanks to the incredibly understanding and amazing people behind this fest! Grateful to have you in the fandom <3
> 
> And 1000 thanks to Nic for doing an amazing job betaing this!! Couldn't have gotten here without you!!


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